


If You're Gonna be the Death of Me, That's How I Wanna Go

by songofthe52hertzwhale



Category: Dalton Academy Series
Genre: Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Misunderstandings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-29
Updated: 2018-04-07
Packaged: 2019-04-14 10:15:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 24,420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14133969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/songofthe52hertzwhale/pseuds/songofthe52hertzwhale
Summary: Derek Seigerson's always been gay. He's fine with it.What he's NOT fine with is the feelings he's started to get when Julian Larson's around.





	1. Part I

**Author's Note:**

> Once upon a time, CP Coulter said that if Derek were gay, he and Julian would have a half-denial, mostly-physical relationship.
> 
> This is that relationship.
> 
> Title from a P!atD song

Derek’s known he was gay since he was twelve years old.

It hadn’t been a big, dramatic revelation. He’d been sitting at lunch at school, listening to the other boys talk about what girls they thought were cute. One of them had turned to him, asked what girls he liked.

Derek had frowned, considering.

“I don’t think I like girls,” he had said, finally, “I think boys are cuter.”

He hadn’t gotten much of a reaction from that, and the conversation had moved on.

Later, when he and Logan share stories, he knows he’d been lucky. His parents didn’t seem to care much, provided he kept his grades up and stayed out of trouble.

He has pretty good luck with guys, too. Logan’s always bitching about how easy it is for Derek to get dates, despite the number of times Derek’s explained that he’s not looking for anything serious, and so he isn’t nearly as picky as Logan is. It’s easy, and fun — he finds an attractive guy, charms him, and sleeps with him until one of them gets bored.

But then Julian Larson fucks all that up.

The thing is, he’s always been a little bit attracted to Julian. It’s impossible not to be, with the way that boy looks. It’s purely physical, of course. Julian is very aesthetically pleasing; Derek’s spent a decent amount of time trying to pick out imperfections, but the actor is basically perfect, physically.

So yeah, he thinks Julian’s hot.

But it doesn’t mean anything, not until the day he sees Julian looking at Logan with an expression that appears almost longing, and he realizes.

“Hey,” he says, one day, when the two of them are alone, “Weird, personal question. Are you uh…are you into dudes?”

Julian’s pen falls from his hands, and he looks up with wide eyes.

“Excuse me?” He asks, looking mildly panicked.

“It’s just a question,” Derek shrugs, “It just kind of seems like you check out guys just as much as girls, sometimes.”

“I don’t…I um…” Julian fumbles for a moment before he just sighs, “Yeah. I’m bi. I haven’t actually told anyone, yet.”

“Well you know we won’t judge you, right? I mean me and Logan are super gay, so—“

“Don’t tell Logan,” Julian blurts out, looking mortified the moment the words leave his mouth.

He looks away, immediately, a faint flush spreading across his cheeks.

“You have a crush on him, don’t you?” Derek asks, and Julian just grows redder.

“It’s not…it’s not a big deal. I’m handling it.”

“You know if you told him you were bi he might be into it? I mean you’re pretty hot, Julian.”

Julian shakes his head, violently, “No. No, I’m not his type. I just…I don’t want him to know. Yet.”

“Okay,” Derek says, placating, “I won’t tell anyone. I was just curious.”

"I'm just not ready for everyone to know yet," Julian continues.

"Hey," Derek smiles at him, "I won't tell. Promise. It's your secret.

He turns back to his math homework, but soon gets the strange impression he’s being watched. He looks up, and Julian’s staring at him.

“You said you think I’m _hot_ ,” he says, looking smug.

Derek rolls his eyes, “Well yeah. I’m not blind, Julian, you’re probably one of the most attractive people I’ve ever met. In person, at least. No offense, but Chris Pine is like…damn.”

Julian laughs a little, then tilts his head, looking curious.

“So…you ever thought about it?”

“About what?” Derek raises an eyebrow, “Like…you and me?”

“I have.”

Derek almost chokes on his next breath, “You…you’ve thought about it. You and me.”

“You’re hot. I’m hot. You claim to be amazing at sex. I _am_ amazing at sex.”

“Watch it, Larson, I would rock your world.”

“I’ve slept with actors, Derek,” Julian says, “and _supermodels_. You really think you’d measure up?”

It’s a challenge, and Derek knows it, but there’s no way in hell he’s going to back down from something like this. He shoves his textbook aside and crawls across the bed, pressing Julian back against the pillows with a growl.

It’s a bit hazy, how it all starts. Derek half expects Julian to laugh and shove him all, to tell him he was just joking. But then they’re kissing, and clothing’s coming off, and soon enough Julian’s spread out underneath him, naked and needy and _hot_.

Julian’s personality in bed isn’t much different than it is normally — he’s bossy and demanding, keeps pressing Derek for more and snarking at him when he doesn’t do what he wants.

Derek almost comes the moment he pushes inside. Julian’s tight, so tight, and he wraps long legs around Derek’s waist, pressing their hips closer together.

“Fuck, Jules,” Derek pants, trembling a little, “You’re so… _fuck_.”

“That really all you got?” Julian taunts, rolling his hips, “You promised to blow my mind, Seigerson.”

“Fuck you, Larson.”

“That’s what I’m asking, you— _oh_.”

Derek laughs a little, and starts fucking into Julian, slow and deep. He’s a little worried he won’t last as long as usual; Julian’s ass is a thing of beauty, and he keeps clenching around Derek’s dick. But Julian looks just as far gone as he is, and he keeps making these breathy little whimpers, and _wow, why haven’t they done this before?_

“Harder, D,” Julian begs, and Derek buries his face in the other boy’s neck, thrusting wildly. He’s lost coherence, keeps grunting against Julian’s skin, and _fuck_ it feels so good.

“More,” Julian whines, digging his nails into the skin of Derek’s back. It hurts, but somehow that just turns Derek on more. He switches his angle a little, grazes Julian’s neck with his teeth.

“So fucking hot,” he growls, wrapping one hand around Julian’s dick and stroking, “Fuck, Jules, you’re so _hot_.”

“Derek,” Julian whimpers, clutches Derek’s shoulders, and comes, mouth falling open as he shouts.

Derek loses himself, a little. Julian’s clenching around him and whining, his whole body seizing. Derek keeps fucking into him, groaning when he feels his own orgasm overtake him.

After, they spray across the bed, Derek still half-wrapped around Julian. He isn’t sure he can move, at this point, but Julian appears just as boneless as he is.

“So,” he pants, “Almost as good as your supermodels?”

“Fuck,” Julian laughs, breathily, “You’re pretty good at that, D.”

“Nice. I impressed  _the_ Julian Larson.”

“So,” Julian rolls over, resting his chin on Derek’s chest, “This might be a weird question to ask, but um…”

“Oh god, wait,” Derek sits up in a panic, knocking Julian back down to the bed, “You’re not going to try to ask me out, right? Because like I love you man, I do, but I’m still not even a little bit the relationship type.”

Julian looks offended, “I wasn’t asking you out, you conceited shitbag. But if I were, you’d be lucky. I’m a fucking catch.”

“Oh,” Derek relaxes again, and sinks back into the pillows, “So what were you asking, then?”

“I was going to say,” Julian settles back into place, “Since I’m not exactly out yet, it’s kind of hard for me to pick up guys while I’m here…”

“Oh,” Derek nods, understanding, “You want me to be your fuckbuddy.”

“Not exactly how I would have worded it.”

“But that’s the general idea, right?” Derek smirks, and dips a hand down to squeeze Julian’s ass, “I was just that good.”

“Shut up, you asshole. It’s just…convenient. Plus I trust you, and the sex was pretty great, so why not?”

“Hm,” Derek considers it, one hand still kneading Julian’s ass, “So I get to have semi-regular no-strings-attached sex with a movie star? I think I can get behind that deal.”

“Cool,” Julian says, grinning, “So round two, then?”

He pushes up on his elbows, kissing a line down Derek’s chest. He smirks up at him and takes Derek’s cock in his hand, leaning in to lick at the tip.

“Yeah,” Derek sighs, “Can definitely get behind this.”

He does get behind it, and Julian, repeatedly.

Over the next few months, Derek and Julian hook up on a semi-regular basis. Not exclusively, of course. Julian still casually dates people in Hollywood, and Derek continues his outings to the local gay club, picking up as many guys as he can. But when they can’t find anyone else, or when one of them is stressed, or when Julian’s pissed at Logan, they fall into bed together. Over, and over, and over.

The sex is fantastic.

Julian’s like one of Derek’s fantasies brought to life, if he’s being perfectly honest. He’s easily turned on, horny a majority of the time. His ass is perfect, his mouth is amazing, and his stamina matches Derek’s almost perfectly.

Julian, on the other hand, seems to really enjoy sex with Derek. On more than one occasion, Julian’s strolled into Derek’s room while he’s trying to study, locked the door, and crawled into Derek’s lap, fully prepared to fuck his brains out.

It’s a little strange, keeping all this secret from Logan. Derek still doesn’t fully understand why Julian’s not comfortable at least coming out to their friend; it would certainly makes things easier, if they didn’t have to sneak around like this. But Julian had made his wishes very clear, so Derek’s careful to keep it hidden — most of their hook-ups take place at the same time as Warbler rehearsals and fencing practice, and Logan doesn’t seem to notice a difference in his friends.

It’s not like the sex affects their friendship. Julian’s still a snarky diva, and Derek still feels like the mom of their friend group most of the time. The way they act around each other hasn’t changed.

Except for how often they see each other naked, of course.

“Fuck,” Derek pants, one day after class, after Julian’s walked into his room and immediately dropped to his knees, “Holy shit Jules your _mouth_ …”

Julian falls back on his heels, licking the come of his lips.

“Finished pretty fast there, Derek,” he taunts, “Not having performance issues, are we?”

“Shut the fuck up,” Derek rolls his eyes, “It’s been a stressful day, alright, I’m still the best lay you’ve ever had.”

Julian laughs at that, eyes sparkling.

Derek’s suddenly overcome with the inexplicable urge to reach forward, brush the lose tendrils of hair from Julian’s face, and kiss him. He just stares, for a moment, at Julian’s eyes and smile and _dimples_ , and feels something twist uncomfortably in his chest.

“D?” Julian tilts his head, brow furrowing, “You okay?”

“Yeah,” Derek breathes, shaking it off, “Yeah I just…I just remembered I think I have a date tonight.”

“Oh, yeah, with that kid from St. Patrick’s,” Julian pushes himself off the floor, leaning on Derek’s knees to do so, “You still wanted to borrow that shirt, right?”

“Yeah. Yeah if you’re cool with it.”

Julian smiles, and goes to fetch the shirt, and Derek wonders what the hell that urge was — they’re not affectionate like that, they don’t do things like kiss or hold hands so why the _hell_ had he wanted to touch Julian’s face so bad?

Before he can dwell on it too much, Julian’s back, tossing a black shirt his way.

“You can keep that, actually,” he says, “Black kind of washes me out.”

“Awesome, thanks Jules.”

Julian smiles and starts to leave, but pauses at the door, “Hey D? Leave your hair like that. It looks nice.”

He walks out, and Derek gets ready for his date. He absolutely does not think about Julian, or the warmth he'd felt in his chest when Julian said he looked _nice_.

He fails, about fifteen minutes into his date, when he realizes this guy is _incredibly_ boring. He’s spent the entire date so far talking about his _goldfish_ , of all things, and Derek has to order a coffee just to stay awake. He’s trying to pay attention, he really is, but this guy is so mind-numbingly dull and Derek’s mind eventually trails off. For some strange reason, all he can think is how much he’d rather be having sex with Julian right now, how he wouldn’t even have to force his way through a date to get Julian into his bed. He’s not even sure he wants to sleep with this guy, if he’s being totally honest.

So when he drives his date home and gets the cheek-kiss-of-death, followed by a coy “we should do this again sometime”, he’s not too bothered. He drives back to Dalton a little annoyed, and immediately makes his way to Julian's room.

The actor’s sprawled across his bed when Derek walks in, his book for English in his hands. He looks up when his door swings open, and grimaces at Derek’s expression.

“That bad?” He asks, setting the book aside, “You didn’t open with talking about your last lacrosse injury, did you? We _talked_ about that.”

“Take off your clothes,” says Derek bluntly, flipping the lock behind him and reaching for the buttons of his shirt, “Get naked. Now.”

Julian raises an eyebrow, but slips off his own shirt, “So it _was_ that bad.”

“Shut up,” Derek snaps, crossing the room and yanking Julian up by the hair, “You talk too fucking much.”

The kiss he presses to Julian’s lip is hard and bruising, and Julian whimpers into it, hands sliding up Derek’s chest. Derek practically shoves him down on the bed, crawling over him to grab the lube and condoms from Julian’s nightstand.

It’s rough, and fast, and Julian definitely breaks the skin of Derek’s back with his fingernails.

Afterwards, they both fall back onto the pillows, panting. Derek’s exhausted, can’t even fathom the idea of getting up. Julian’s pressed against his side, and he’s so comfortable, and so blissed-out, and before long he’s falling asleep, still in Julian’s bed.

When he wakes up the next morning, Julian’s the first thing he sees.

He’s curled on his side, one hand resting under his cheek. His lips are slightly parted, eyelashes fluttering against his cheek as he dreams.

Before Derek realizes what he’s doing, he’s reaching forward, stroking one finger softly along Julian’s cheek. His skin is soft, and Julian makes this pleased, breathy noise. Derek freezes, terrified the actor’s going to wake up and catch him. But Julian just shifts a little in his sleep, lips curving into a tiny smile.

Derek slips out of bed as quietly as possible, pulling his jeans. He makes his way downstairs, in desperate need of a cup of coffee.

To his dismay, Logan’s already in the kitchen when he walks in, sipping out of his own mug.

“Hey,” he nods, “How’d the date go?”

“Fine,” Derek says, pulling a mug from the cupboard and filling it to the brim, “I mean. He was kind of boring.”

“But you got laid,” Logan smirks, gesturing at Derek, “You have definite sex hair going on there. And you have scratch marks all over your back.”

“What, you’ve never fucked someone you thought was boring?”

“I have standards, actually.”

“See, you always say that, but I’m starting to think that might be a cover for ‘I can’t get convince anyone to come to bed with me because I’m such a temperamental asshole’.”

Before Logan can retort, there’s a yawn from the doorway, and Julian stumbles in, wearing an oversized hoodie and his boxer-briefs.

“What’d Logan do now?” He asks, rubbing at his eyes.

“Exist?” Derek grins, mindlessly reaching for a second mug and pouring in so much cream and sugar he can _feel_ the cavities forming. He hands the coffee-flavored sugar over, and Julian smiles sleepily at him as he sips.

Logan’s frowning a little, looking at them.

“What, princess can’t even make his own coffee anymore?”

“It’s called being nice, Lo,” Derek rolls his eyes, “Maybe if you tried it sometime you might have more than two friends.”

“Yeah,” Julian says, heaving himself up to sit on the counter, “That’s why Derek’s my favorite.”

Derek feels that twist in his chest again, and looks over at Julian, who just grins and winks at him. He knows he shouldn’t feel smug about this, about Julian calling him his _favorite_ , knows it was just teasing. But for some reason, he feels like he’s one-upped Logan, like he’s won a round in a competition Logan doesn’t even know about.

Logan just grumbles and finishes his coffee. He doesn’t seem to notice the look Derek and Julian had shared, or how close they are to each other — Derek’s standing, leaning up against the counter right where Julian is sitting, and Julian’s leaning into him a little, one elbow resting on Derek’s shoulder.

Derek isn’t quite sure how their dynamic changes. He can’t pinpoint exactly when, or where, or why. He just know that it _does_.

They touch a lot more, lately. Not intimately — they still don’t kiss in public, or hold hands, or anything that would raise questions. But they always seem to sit pressed closely together when they’re studying. Julian will lean against him, sometimes, hooking his chin over Derek’s shoulder when they stand together. There are smaller touches, too — Derek lightly resting a hand against Julian’s back when he walks past, Julian bumping against Derek’s shoulder when he leaves a room. It feels natural, somehow, like it’s normal for them to touch like this.

Logan’s starting to notice, now.

Derek catches him frowning, once, when Julian falls asleep studying, head lolling onto Derek’s shoulder. He raises an eyebrow when Derek pulls Julian out of the way of a sprinting freshman with one arm wrapped around his waist, and Julian doesn’t immediately pull away.

“Hey,” Logan grabs Derek by the forearm one day after class, “What’s going on with you two?”

Derek almost panics, but manages to keep calm, and frowns like he’s confused.

“What are you talking about?”

“Do you…” Logan frowns, looks like he’s searching for the words, “Do you have a thing for Julian?”

“Julian?!” Derek laughs, a little hysterically, “Me? A thing for…no. No that’s ridiculous.”

“It kinda seems like you do,” Logan shoves his hands in his pockets, “And I just…he’s straight, Derek. Like I know he’s hot and all but that…it’s not gonna happen, you know?”

Derek feels strangely jealous, “You think Jules is hot?”

Logan snorts, “I’m not blind, Derek. Just…maybe cool it on all the touching? He’s gonna notice sooner or later.”

“…yeah,” Derek nods, “Yeah I didn’t realize I was doing it, I guess.”

Logan smiles at him, like he’s just done Derek a huge favor, and continues down the hall, on his way to class. Derek watches him go, an unexplainable feeling rising in his chest.

“Hey,” he hears from behind him, and turns to see Julian walking up, “What was that all about?”

“Nothing,” Derek says quickly, “He was just asking about the physics homework.”

Julian’s eyes widen, “We had physics homework?”

“Don’t worry, I took care of it for you,” Derek swings his backpack off his back, and pulls a sheet of paper out. Julian takes it, gratefully.

“God, Derek, I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

He smiles, and before Derek can react, leans in to press a light kiss to his cheek.

“See you in fourth period,” he says cheerfully, and bounds down the hallway to his theater class.

Derek’s left standing in the middle of the hallway, cheek burning where Julian’s lips had touched.

He can finally identify those feelings he’s had recently — the desire to kiss Julian, the way he needs to touch him each time Logan’s around, the brief flash of annoyance when Logan called Julian hot — and he doesn’t like the outcome.

Logan was right.

He does have a crush on Julian.

A pretty big one.

And he has _no idea_ what he’s going to do about it.


	2. Part II

Derek can deal with this.

He can totally, definitely deal with this.

So he has a crush on Julian. It’s not a big deal. It makes sense, really, what with the great sex and all. It’s a temporary thing, and he can _totally_ get over this.

It helps that Julian’s just been offered a new role, and leaves for California just a few days after Derek’s big revelation. They fuck one last time, the night before he leaves, and Derek intentionally positions them so that he isn’t looking at Julian’s face, can’t stare into his eyes and think about how much he wants to kiss him. He and Logan drive him to the airport in the morning, and Julian gives them both quick hugs before running to catch his flight.

“Gonna be okay, loverboy?” Logan says, teasingly, and Derek scowls.

“Shut up. I do _not_ have a crush on Julian.”

“Uh huh. I saw you checking out his ass just now.”

Derek scoffs, “Dude, you were too. Don’t even start with me.”

Logan laughs and throws an arm around Derek’s shoulders, leading him back out to the parking lot.

“Seriously though,” he says, when they’ve reached the car, “If you need to blow off some steam or something, I’ll go to that club with you tonight. I’m having shit luck with guys lately.”

Derek considers it for a minute, “Yeah. Yeah let’s do it.”

They draw attention the moment they step into the club, and Derek can’t help but preen a little under the attention. He knows they’re hot, and honestly, without Julian there distracting everyone, it’s easier to draw people in.

He knows how to play it cool, though, and leads Logan over to the bar before interacting with anyone else. They flash their fake ID’s, order themselves drinks, and settle in to check out the crowd. Logan’s gaze is almost scrutinizing, like he’s evaluating the potential of everyone in the room.

“Dude, too intense,” Derek elbows him, “You’re not looking for a boyfriend, you’re looking for someone to take home tonight.”

“That doesn’t mean I can’t be a little picky,” Logan tells him, sipping at his scotch, “I know what I deserve.”

Derek actually groans out loud, “Seriously, Lo, just find someone hot and go home with them. It’s not that hard.”

He downs his own drink in two gulps, wincing slightly at the burn. He claps Logan on the shoulder and heads out to the dance floor, gaze flickering over his options for the night. A few different men give him appreciative looks, but he chooses to let someone approach him, and just moves to the center of the dance floor. He isn’t the best dancer, but he likes getting caught up in the crowd; it’s where people tend to get handsy, and Derek knows it’ll be easy to find someone to take home.

Within seconds, he’s got more than one guy pressed up against him. He smirks, reaches for the closest one, and rolls his hips to the music. The guy leans in, starts kissing him, and Derek goes with it. It’s a little sloppy, and the guy’s using a little too much tongue, but Derek kind of needs this right now. After a few minutes, he feels another set of hands wrap around his hips from behind, and he turns his head, letting this new guy pull him in instead.

This kiss is way better — just the right amount of firmness, and Derek sinks into it, tugging on the guy’s arm until they’re pressed firmly together. _This_ is who he’s taking home tonight, he knows it. He pulls back a little, ready to offer to buy the guy a drink. But when he opens his eyes, he sees brown hair, dark eyes, a sharply angled face.

“ _Fuck_ ,” he breathes, pushing the guy away from him. He looks a little thrown off, brow furrowed in confusion.

It’s not Julian. Of _course_ it’s not Julian. But for a moment, in the dim light of the club…

He stumbles off the dance floor, suddenly in desperate need of fresh air. The bartender takes one look at him and slides another drink his way.

“No luck?” He hears from beside him. Logan drops heavily onto a stool, stealing a sip from Derek’s glass.

“Not really feeling it tonight, I guess,” Derek exhales, a little shaken, “I’m actually a little tired, I think.”

“Yeah, nobody here is really my type,” Logan says, taking another look around, “If you’re ready to go I can get us an Uber.”

Derek nods, and Logan pulls out his phone, tapping away. The rest of Derek’s drink disappears in seconds, and he follows Logan out of the bar, trying not to think about what the fuck just happened.

He’s quiet, on the ride home, and Logan keeps shooting him inquisitive looks. He makes up some kind of excuse when they get back to Stuart, and immediately retreats to his room, burrowing under the covers and mentally berating himself.

This is stupid. So, so stupid.

Derek doesn’t _do_ relationships. He’s not a one-man kind of guy. He can’t do this, can’t fixate on Julian like this. They’ve agreed this is purely a sexual thing; they aren’t dating, and they never will. Julian’s not into that, _Derek’s_ not into that, and this is so, so stupid.

He groans, buries his face in his pillow, and tries to force himself to sleep. He’ll stop thinking about Julian. He _will_.

It helps that Julian rarely texts when he’s working. Derek barely hears from him, and things start to get easier. He manages a few dates, brings a handful of guys back to his bed. Logan still teases him, but Derek just brushes it off with an eye roll.

He’s fine, really.

So what if he’s not as into sex as he used to be?

It’s just a _phase_ , probably. Besides, the pool of attractive gay men in Westerville, Ohio is a little narrow. Maybe he’s just hit every good option in the area.

He’s totally, completely fine.

“Oh my god,” Logan says one day, eyes fixed on his phone, “D, did you see this?”

He hands the screen over, browser open to what looks like some kind of clothing ad campaign.

“The twins sent it,” Logan continues, “Scroll down a little.”

Derek does, and nearly chokes when he gets to Julian’s picture. He’s dressed in one of the most ridiculous outfits Derek’s ever seen — a bright yellow jacket, a grotesquely floral-patterned shirt, and shiny red pants. He’s pouting at the camera, lower lip jutting out.

“Isn’t that the most hideous outfit?” Logan laughs, “Man, I wonder how much they had to pay him to get him to pose for that.”

“Fashion’s fucking weird, man,” Derek says, scrolling through the rest of the pictures. The first one’s the weirdest, by far. Some of the other outfits are almost nice. The last one is the one that makes him pause, though; it features Julian, alone, in a shirt that’s half-leather, half-mesh, staring directly into the camera, eyes focused and intense. He’s biting at his lower lip, and Derek’s definitely seen that expression before, just before Julian drops to his knees…

“You alright, D?”

Derek shakes the thought off and hands the phone back, “I could never model. There’s no way I’d get through that kind of thing with a straight face.”

“Yeah,” Logan looks back at the photos and grins, “Oh man, I’m gonna mock him for this one so hard.”

Derek forces a laugh, “Yeah. Especially the one with the bow. What the fuck were they thinking?”

“I know, right?” Logan chuckles as he walks away, still staring down at his phone.

Derek walks back to his room and scoops his laptop up from the desk. Before he knows it, he’s got a google images tab open, searching for that picture. There’s somehow dozens of photos he’s never seen before, and Derek has no idea how Julian has this much time on his hands. He knows photoshoots aren’t quite as time-consuming as some of the other things Julian does, but there’s just _so many pictures_.

It’s sick, almost, how long Derek spends scrolling through photos. Julian is his _friend_ , damnit. Sure, he’s seen him naked more times than he can count, but he shouldn’t be sitting here _objectifying_ him like one of those weirdo fans he’s always telling Julian to avoid.

He slams his laptop shut and groans, hating himself.

So maybe this is becoming a problem.

Maybe he _can’t_ will these feelings away. Maybe he just needs to admit it to himself.

Yes, he has a crush on Julian.

It’s fine, really.

More than fine.

Julian’s already admitted he’s attracted to him. They work well together, both in bed and out of it. They’re friends. They get along. Maybe this could be a good thing.

He’s going to tell him.

When Julian comes back, he’s going to fess up. He’ll tell Julian he’s interested in him, that he _might_ want to try something more than the friends-with-benefits thing they’ve been doing. That he _likes_ him.

It’ll be fine, he’s pretty sure.

Just as he’s working through everything, his phone buzzes. He smiles when he sees Julian’s name, smiles even wider when he reads the text.

_I struck out with a Victoria’s Secret model tonight. Any chance you wanna fly to LA for some pity sex?_

He laughs, texts back, _Kinda got a history test to take in the morning. Maybe you should just get your ass back to Dalton._

Julian just texts him back a picture — a screenshot of an airline receipt, for a flight next Thursday.

 _I land at 6:15_ , Julian sends, _Pick me up?_

 _I’ll be there_ , Derek replies, adding an alert into his phone so he doesn’t forget. He smiles a little.

This is going to go well, he thinks. He’s going to pick Julian up, tell him how he feels, and everything will be totally fine.

His plan is a little derailed, unfortunately, when Logan insists on accompanying Derek to the airpot. He adjusts, considering a new plan in his mind on the drive over. So maybe he won’t confess at the airport. Maybe he’ll wait until they get back, wait until Julian’s in his bed again. He’ll remind Julian of how great he is in bed, how good they are together, and then tell him he has _feelings_.

It’ll be fine.

They wait for Julian at baggage claim. Logan’s leaning back against the luggage carousel, arms crossed over his chest.

“How can he fly first class and _still_ be the last person off of the plane?” Logan asks, “He’s literally the closest to the door, I don’t understand.”

“He probably stopped to sign autographs for the flight attendants or something,” Derek says, pacing in a nervous line across the floor. Logan raises an eyebrow at him, but doesn’t have the chance to comment before Julian’s walking through the double doors, sunglasses over his eyes and a bag slung over his shoulder.

He grins when he spots his two friends, quickening his pace to reach them.

“First one to comment about that photoshoot gets punched,” he says as he pulls them both into a hug, “For real, Logan I put my phone down for five minutes and came back to seventeen comments about that outfit.”

“Someone had to tell you it was hideous,” Logan grins, and ruffles Julian’s hair, “This one’s not bad though. You should wear white more often.”

Julian’s gaze softens a little, and he smiles up at Logan.

Oh.

 _Oh_ , right.

How could he have forgotten?

He knew Julian had feelings for Logan. He’d known before they even started this thing between them. He isn’t sure how he’d never considered this, how he’d never even thought about the reality that Julian likes someone else.

Logan takes Julian’s bag for him, and Julian smiles at Derek before walking out to the car. He’s talking about some party he’d gone to the night before, and Derek pretends to listen. But all he can focus on is the way Julian’s eyes keep flicking over to Logan, the way he gets flustered when Logan teases him.

Julian likes _Logan_.

He has no idea how he’s been so stupid, how he thought for even a moment that Julian might reciprocate his feelings.

He’s quiet on the drive back, listening to Julian and Logan snark back and forth. At one point, Julian leans forward in his seat, his face right beside Derek’s ear.

“He’s being mean to me, D,” he whines, “Tell him to stop.”

“You’re both children,” Derek snaps, a little harsher than he’d meant, and Julian and Logan share a look. Julian sits back in his seat, and Logan fiddles with the radio. Derek just sighs and tightens his grip on the steering wheel. He pulls into the parking lot of their favorite restaurant, and they exit the car in silence.

“Hey,” Julian says quietly, bumping his shoulder, “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah,” Derek responds, forcing a smile, “Just a long day, you know? Plus I’m starving.”

“Well I think I can help with that,” Julian grins brightly, “I could probably be persuaded to spring for appetizers _and_ entrees.”

“My hero,” Derek says dryly, rolling his eyes.

“Maybe if you’re _really_ good,” Julian lowers his voice, looking over to make sure Logan isn’t listening, “You’ll get a little dessert afterwards too, if you know what I mean.”

He winks and swings the restaurant door open, sauntering inside and cajoling the hostess into giving them their usual table. Derek watches him flirt with her, feeling slightly ill.

He likes Julian.

Julian likes Logan.

Where is he supposed to go from here?


	3. Part III

Derek is fucked.

He’s so, so _fucked_.

He should stop this whole thing. It’s not healthy, at this point. He should tell Julian he doesn’t want to do this anymore, that he’s decided he’s not interested in this whole friends-who-fuck thing.

But Julian comes to his room that night, a glint in his eye and a smirk on his face, and Derek just _wants_ , so bad.

The sex that night is fantastic. It almost feels like Julian hasn’t gotten laid since he left, with how energetic he is. Derek’s pretty sure he’s never gone this many rounds in one night, isn’t sure how his cock still _works_ by the end of it.

“Damn, I forgot how good you are,” Julian breathes, afterward, “Fuck, Derek, no wonder half the school wants to bone you.”

“And the other half already has,” Derek jokes, and Julian chuckles, wrapping one arm around his waist. He snuggles into Derek’s side, humming happily.

“So,” he says, after a few moments, “What’s with this new guy Logan’s talking about?”

Derek ignores how much that question hurts, and just shrugs.

“He’s a Warbler, of course. Might be interested? I can’t really tell.”

“If he’s not, he’s an idiot,” Julian says, sounding mildly annoyed, “He’d have to be blind to not want Logan.”

 _Logan’s blind to not want_ you, Derek thinks.

“I’m kind of just staying out of it,” he says instead, “I figure Logan can handle it himself.”

“Well I hope it works out,” Julian says, a tinge of sadness in his voice, “He deserves to be happy.”

“So do you, you know.”

Julian looks up at that, a small smile on his face.

“I’m happy,” he says, “I’m rich, I’m famous, I’m hot, and I’m having great sex. What more could I want?”

He nuzzles at Derek’s cheek, as if to prove his point.

“I’m serious, though,” Derek presses on, “You know you could get anyone you want, right?”

“Yeah,” Julian’s smile fades a little, and he drops his head back onto the pillows, “Not anyone, apparently.”

It isn’t _fair_.

It isn’t fair that Julian’s here, in _Derek’s_ bed, and all he really wants is Logan. It isn’t fair that Logan’s so blind he doesn’t even see what he could have. He hates this. Hates these stupid feelings he's developed. Hates that Julian wants someone else. Hates that Logan won't open his eyes. None of this is fair, and Derek’s hurt, and furious.

But Julian looks so sad, and Derek hates that most of all. He pulls the other boy closer, pets at his hair with one hand.

“It’s gonna be okay, you know,” he says, soothingly, “You’re Julian Larson.”

“Yeah,” Julian says softly, “You’re right. I am.”

They both lay in silence, after that.

Derek knows Julian’s thinking about Logan. _He_ can’t stop thinking about _Julian_. It’s horribly unfair, the way this has all worked out. He wants Julian to be happy. He’d force Logan to want Julian back, if he could.

Selfishly, though, what he really wants is for Julian to want _him_.

He could make Julian happy, he knows it. He could be a good boyfriend, if he really tried. He knows he could.

If only he could convince Julian of that.

He tries not to be obvious about everything. He really tries.

He fails.

Miserably.

He keeps _doing_ things for Julian, without even thinking about it. He makes Julian’s coffee at the same time he makes his own. He does Julian’s physics homework without being asked. He waits for Julian outside his drama class so they can walk to history together. He reads lines with him without complaining, even when Julian insists on doing the same scene over and over again until he’s happy with it.

“Derek, seriously, this is getting sad,” Logan says one day, when he catches Derek watching Julian from across the yard, “Never crush on a straight guy. It’s a bad idea.”

“Honestly, Logan just lay off,” Derek snaps.

Logan bristles, “I’m trying to help you, you know. You can’t make someone want you just by being nice to them.”

“Maybe not. But I can make him happy, at least.”

He’s pretty sure Logan just feels bad for him, after that. He doesn’t question him about Julian anymore. He does, however, keep pointing out guys he thinks might be Derek’s type.

Of course, he always seems to do it around _Julian,_ which just leads to more problems.

“Damn, Riley looks nice today, doesn’t he Derek?”

Derek just sighs and pretends to agree. Julian, on the other hand, frowns, looks up at Riley, and gives him a once-over, like he’s trying to figure out which parts of him Logan’s attracted to.

“Danny’s kind of cute, isn’t he, D?”

“If you say so, Logan,” Derek says, trying not to notice the jealousy in Julian’s eyes.

“Man, has Jeff’s ass always looked that good?” Logan says, with a ridiculous wink.

“For the love of god, Logan, for once in your life just _shut the fuck up_.”

Julian, who’d immediately looked over at Jeff, snaps his gaze back to Derek, eyes wide.

“What the hell, D?” Logan’s scowling, eyes flashing dangerously.

Derek opens his mouth to say something, but Julian’s _right there_ , and he knows he can’t have this argument right now without giving everything up. Instead, he turns on his heel and marches off, still fuming.

He hears footsteps following him, and hopes to every god he knows about that it’s Julian.

But then a hand shoots out and grabs his forearm, and he knows it’s Logan that’s followed him.

“What the fuck is your problem?” He asks, spinning Derek around to face him, “I’m trying to help you, Derek, you can’t keep pining over a straight guy like this. It's not good for you.”

“Just lay off, Logan!”

“He's _never_ going to like you like that. Stop being such a fucking idiot, Derek!”

“You’re the idiot!” Derek steps forward, in Logan’s face now.

“Hey,” a calmer voice breaks in. Julian’s finally caught up to them, and tries to wedge himself between the two, “Guys, cool it, alright? What the hell is going on with the two of you, anyway?”

“Why don’t you ask Derek?” Logan growls, still glaring.

“You’re the one who has a problem, Wright,” Derek practically spits at him.

“Oh I’ll show you a problem,” Logan moves forward, shoving Julian out of his way. The actor’s caught off guard and loses his balance a little, stumbling to the side. Derek’s attention diverts for just long enough that he doesn’t notice the fist coming his way, and manages to get clocked on the chin.

“Logan, Derek, _stop it_!” Julian shrieks.

Neither of them listen. Derek tackles Logan, and they both wind up on the ground, fists swinging.

Julian’s screaming at them both, and starts tugging, trying to pull them off of each other. He catches a stray fist on his jaw, and Derek stops, pushing himself off of Logan.

“Shit, Jules, are you okay?”

Logan still looks furious, but Derek’s attention is all on Julian now, on the way he’s holding one hand over his face, where Derek’s punch had connected.

“What the _fuck_ ,” Julian says angrily, “What the actual fuck, guys?”

“He deserved it,” Derek says, defensively, “He punched me!”

“Because you were goading him on!” Julian yells back, “I don’t know what your guys’s problem is, but this is getting ridiculous!”

“ _Of course_ you’d take his side.”

The words leave Derek’s mouth before he can stop them, and Julian stills.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” He says, quietly, eyes fixed on Derek.

The thing is, part of Derek wants to spill everything. Wants to just get everything on the table, once and for all. _Hey, Logan, our best friend wants you_. _Yep, you’re right, I do have a stupid crush on him, but he wants you. Go ahead, run off together, leave me behind._

But he can’t do that to Julian.

“Forget it,” he says, instead, “I just…I can’t be here right now.”

He storms off, this time with nobody following. When he reaches the end of the hallway, he hesitates a moment, turns back to look…

…and sees Julian, raising a hand to Logan’s bruised face, looking concerned.

He pushes through the doors.

He tries to work out his frustration in the gym, lifts weights and runs sprints until every muscle in his body gives out. It’s still not enough.

He’s still seething hours later, when Julian tentatively knocks on his door and pushes inside.

“Hey,” he says, “You wanna tell me what all that was about?”

Derek barely looks up from where he’s sprawled on the bed.

“No.”

“Okay,” Julian says slowly, perching on the edge of Derek’s desk, “Do you still want to beat the shit out of Logan?”

“Yes.”

Julian sighs, “Come on, Derek, you guys are friends. You’re supposed to talk about things.”

“What, just like you do?”

Julian frowns at him, “Excuse me?”

“Just like you _talk_ about things?” Derek sits up, crossing his legs and leaning forward, “Why haven’t you told Logan you’re bi, again?”

“…that’s different.”

“Oh, is it?” Derek can’t stop the words now, streaming from his mouth like a train of cruelty, “You’re his friend, aren’t you? You should be able to _talk about things_.”

“Stop it,” Julian says, through clenched teeth, “You’re mad at him, not me.”

“You’re afraid, aren’t you?” Derek continues, “You’re afraid that he’s gonna find out, and he’s _still_ not gonna want you.”

He’s gone too far, and he knows it. He sees the slight tremble in Julian’s shoulders, the way he tips his head downward to hide his face. He knows it’s too much, knows he needs to _shut up_ before Julian hates him. But he’s angry, he’s _so, so_ angry, and his mouth keeps moving.

“It’s not just a crush, is it? You’re in love with him. You’re in love with him, and you don’t want to admit that he’s never going to love you back.”

Julian lets out a sob, and Derek stops. He’s breathing hard, fists clenched in his lap, and he suddenly realizes what he’s done. What he’s _said_.

Julian finally looks up, and Derek absolutely hates himself. Those brown eyes are swimming with tears, and Julian’s breathing shakily, bottom lip quivering with every inhale.

“I know,” he says, voice cracking a little, “I never thought for a _second_ he’d ever want me back, okay?”

Derek wants to go to him, wants to gather him into his arms and apologize for every word that’s left his mouth. But he’s frozen, disgusted and horrified with himself, watching Julian stand across from him and cry.

“You’re right. I do love him,” Julian laughs hollowly, reaching up to wipe a tear from his face, “I love Logan, and I _hate_ myself for it.”

He inhales, deeply, and pastes on a smile.

“So congratulations, Derek. You figured out my big secret. I hope you’re happy.”

The sound of the door slamming behind him echoes through Derek’s head. He falls back on his bed, tears prickling at his own eyes. He’s not sure why he said what he did, why he attacked Julian like that. It was stupid, and irrational, and Julian probably hates him now. He’s probably back in his room, raging about how awful Derek is.

Or, Derek thinks, he’s doing what he always done when he’s upset, and packing to leave for California.

The thought is so awful — that Julian will leave before Derek gets the chance to apologize, that he won’t let Derek explain himself at all — that Derek’s rising from his bed, crossing the hall and barging into Julian’s room without a second thought.

He doesn’t find Julian angrily throwing things in a suitcase, as he expected.

Instead, he finds Julian curled up on his bed, arms wrapped around his knees. He raises a tear-streaked face at Derek’s entrance, brings a hand up to scrub it clean.

“I’m sorry,” Derek blurts, crossing the room and perching beside Julian, “I’m so sorry about…about all of that, really. You’re right, I was mad at Logan and I took it out on you, and I was awful, Julian, please don’t hate me.”

Julian sniffles, miserably, but doesn’t push him away or tell him to leave.

“I’m an asshole,” Derek continues, tentatively reaching for Julian’s hand and squeezing when he doesn’t pull away, “I’m literally the worst. I shouldn’t have said any of that.”

“Am I really that awful?” Julian asks, “Am I really so bad you can’t imagine the idea of someone ever loving me?”

“God, no,” Derek breathes, “No, Julian is that what it sounded like?”

Julian doesn’t respond, but he still looks devastated, and Derek cups his face gingerly.

“You’re a fucking _catch_ , alright? You’re talented, and smart, and gorgeous, and you’re Julian fucking Larson, you hear me? Anyone who doesn’t see that doesn’t deserve you.”

He pulls him into his chest, hugs him tight until Julian stops trembling.

“I’m still really fucking mad at you,” Julian mumbles, once the tears subside.

“I know,” Derek pulls back, voice laced with guilt and regret, “I deserve it. Do you want me to go?”

Julian looks at him for a minute, like he’s mulling it over.

“…no,” he says finally, “I don’t really want to be alone right now.”

“Okay,” Derek says, relieved, “Okay, do you want to like, watch tv or something?”

“Could you just hold me?”

He’s looking up at Derek, looking more vulnerable than Derek’s ever seen him. Derek just wraps his arms around him, maneuvers them both so that Julian’s half resting in his lap, head cradled against his shoulder.

Derek’s still overwhelmed with guilt, hates that he’s the one who made Julian cry like this. Hates that he broke him like this.

Still, though, he must’ve done something right. Because he’s the one holding Julian right now, rubbing slow circles onto his spine. He’s the one who gets to drop a kiss atop Julian’s head once he’s fallen asleep, the one Julian will wake up beside tomorrow.

So yes, he’d catastrophically fucked up.

But, he swears to himself, he won’t do it again.


	4. Part IV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is like 50% sex, so if that's not your thing you might wanna stop when they start kissing.

It takes quite a bit of groveling before Julian stops being mad at him.

He’s a little colder than normal, won’t even _consider_ crawling into Derek’s bed again. It’s fine, honestly; Derek’s just grateful they’re _talking_ , that Julian hasn’t cut him out entirely.

Derek’s on his sixth apology take-out dinner, standing at Julian’s door with a bag full of wontons and fried rice, when Julian rolls his eyes and pulls him inside.

“Okay, you idiot, I forgive you,” he says, grabbing the bag from Derek’s hands, “Honestly, I’ve _dated_ people who don’t put this much effort into apologizing.”

“You’re important to me,” Derek says, honestly, “I don’t like the idea of you hating me.”

“I could never hate you,” Julian shoves a container at Derek and moves to sit on the bed, “Now come, sit. I’m watching some of my old stuff. You can tell me what parts suck.”

“Isn’t that kind of fucked up?”

“It helps me get better,” Julian says defensively, scooping up a forkful of rice, “Like how your coach makes you watch videos of your old games, you know?”

“I guess,” Derek sits beside him, food cradles in his lap, “Holy shit, Jules, aren’t you like seven in this one? You’re so _cute_ , look at that!”

He spends the entire movie fawning over tiny Julian, making normal-Julian blush. He gets poked with a fork more than once, but refuses to shut up about it until Julian’s laughing just as hard as he is.

They don’t have sex that night. Derek’s resolved to not push the issue, and Julian starts yawning halfway through the second movie. When his head starts lolling down onto his chest, Derek takes the food containers from him, pulling the blankets up and tucking him in as best he can.  
  
Julian makes a sleepy, content noise, and mumbles something Derek can’t quite make out. He drops a light kiss to his forehead before heading out.

When Julian flies to Italy for a week not long after, for a photoshoot and interview, Derek misses him like _crazy_.

There’s a huge party over at Windsor he doesn’t even go to, knowing he won’t have as much fun as he would if Jules was there. Instead, he holes up in his room, gets through a week’s worth of homework in a manner of hours, and waits to see if Julian’s name pops up on Skype.

It does, a little after midnight, and Derek’s maybe a little too pleased when Julian initiates a call before he can.

He laughs when Julian’s image loads — the actor’s in bed, wrapped in fluffy white blankets, and blinking sleepily at the camera.

“Just wake up?” Derek asks, setting his work aside and centering his laptop on his desk.

Julian hums and yawns, “Yeah. This time difference is fucking me over. I think I’ve got maybe four hours of sleep the whole time I’ve been here.”

“Well I won’t be offended if you don’t want to talk,” Derek says, even though it most definitely _would_ hurt his feelings a little, “I know you need your beauty rest.”

“I’m perfectly beautiful already,” Julian says haughtily, though the meaning is lessened by the intense bed-head he’s sporting right now, “Besides, my makeup artist should be here any minute. I have the _Vogue Italia_ shoot in two hours.”

“Well don’t let them put you in any more crazy outfits.”

Julian grins, “I’ll fight ‘em off, don’t worry.”

“So are you gonna run off with any Italian models?” Derek asks, teasingly, “Should I start packing your stuff up now?”

Julian groans and covers his face, “I tried flirting with _one_ and fucked up. I thought I was congratulating her on landing a perfume campaign, but apparently I asked her about watermelons, instead.”

Derek snorts, “Smooth, Larson.”

“It’s your fault,” Julian says accusingly, “I don’t have to put effort into getting laid anymore so now I’m totally off my game.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, should I stop? I wouldn’t want your _game_ to suffer.”

Julian pouts at that, and Derek can’t help but laugh.

“But _baby_ ,” Julian whines, and Derek’s heart twists at the term, “You’re just so _good_ at it.”

Derek’s mind goes through a whirlwind of possible responses, from the flirty to the sarcastic. Before he lands on one, though, Julian suddenly turns sideways, like he’s head something on his end.

“Hey, I think they showed up,” he says, climbing out of bed, “I’ll text you later, kay?”

The picture goes dark before Derek can manage a “bye”. He sighs, shuts down his own computer, and crawls into bed.

He’s almost asleep when he realizes Julian hadn’t asked about Logan once.

He’s smug for the rest of the week, walking around with his head held high. It’s sick, almost, that he’s having this mental competition with Logan over Julian, when neither Logan or Julian even know.

Logan has a fencing meet the night Julian flies back in, and Derek’s practically _vibrating_ with excitement while he waits at baggage claim.

Julian looks exhausted when he walks out, and sinks into Derek’s hug.

“I’m starving, but also _crazy_ tired,” he says, still holding on, “Can we get crappy fast food and then go home?”

Derek chuckles, reluctantly breaks the hug so he can grab Julian’s bag, “I’ll buy you the greasiest cheeseburger Ohio has to offer, how about that?”

Julian smiles gratefully, and leans into Derek as they walk out to the parking lot. Derek wraps an arm around his waist, and Julian doesn’t pull away. He throws Julian’s suitcase in the trunk, holds the door open for Julian — which earns him another smile — and slides in himself.

He pulls onto the highway, and Julian leans forward to fiddle with his music. He finds a song he likes and relaxes into his seat, singing along softly.

Derek keeps glancing over, smiling to himself. Julian’s leaning against the window, eyes half-shut. His lips are still moving, voice echoing through Derek’s car.

_“Look at you kids with your vintage music…coming through satellites while cruising…you’re part of the past, but now you're the future…signals crossing can get confusing.”_

He forgets, sometimes, that Julian can sing just as well as he can act. His voice is different from Logan’s; where the blond is deep and powerful, Julian’s voice is almost haunting. Derek feels bad, joining in, like he’s going to ruin what Julian’s creating, but he can’t help himself.

_“It's enough just to make you feel crazy, crazy, crazy…sometimes, it's enough just to make you feel crazy…”_

Julian tilts his head Derek’s way, a lazy smile gracing his lips. Derek tries not to stare back too overtly, forces himself to fix his eyes on the road, instead.

_“You get ready, you get all dressed up…to go nowhere in particular…back to work or the coffee shop…doesn’t matter 'cause it's enough…to be young and in love…”_

Derek’s chest starts to feel tight.

Julian’s still singing, voice trilling over the words. When Derek stops singing, he turns back to the window, letting his eyes drift closed again. He seems to nod off soon after — Derek doesn’t hear his voice over the radio anymore, and he turns the volume down a little so it doesn’t disturb him.

He pulls into a drive-through not far from Dalton, orders for him and Julian. He adds in a milkshake for good measure, not entirely sure how hungry Julian really is.

Julian blinks up blearily when Derek shakes him awake, looking around.

“We’re here?” He asks, rubbing his eyes, “Did we get food?”

“Burgers and fries,” Derek holds up the bag, and Julian outright moans.  


“Oh god, that sounds amazing.”

He follows Derek out of the car, dragging his bag behind him. They make their way up the stairs to Derek’s room, and he sets the fast food bag on his desk.

Julian throws himself into a chair and digs in, shoving half a cheeseburger down his throat.

“Please don’t choke,” Derek says, pulling another chair up beside him and taking a seat, “If you die in here I’m _definitely_ going to have to switch rooms.”

Julian looks up, half a fry hanging from his lips, “I would haunt your ass, you know. You’d be stuck with ghost me forever.”

“Well that sounds like actual hell,” Derek laughs, handing him a napkin, “Ghost you would be more annoying than regular you.”

“I am a _delight_ ,” Julian says, though his voice is muffled by the mouthful of food he’s chewing on.

“Stop talking and eat your damn food.”

Julian grins but focuses his attention on his burger, devouring another the moment he’s finished. Once he’s done, Derek slides over the milkshake, and Julian smiles gratefully before slurping it up. He sinks back in his seat once he’s done, looking content.

“I’m gonna have to diet for like two weeks after that,” he says, rubbing his stomach, “Totally worth it.”

“You literally _just_ finished a photoshoot,” Derek rolls his eyes, “Aren’t you allowed to let yourself go for like a couple days, at least?”

“Hey, looking hot keeps me rich, alright? Otherwise I’d be living off your bank account.”

“Like hell you would,” Derek says, “You’re _way_ too bossy to be a trophy husband.”

Julian laughs. Derek can’t believe how much he’s missed the sound over the past week, over how happy Julian’s smile makes him. He grins, and Julian smiles back.

“I missed you,” Julian says, and Derek’s breath catches.

“I missed you too, buddy,” he says, trying to appear unaffected.

“No,” Julian continues, slipping out of his chair and onto Derek’s lap. He leans in, lips brushing against Derek’s, “I _missed_ you.”

He kisses him, deeply, one hand slipping down to rub at Derek’s cock. Derek moans into the kiss, hand fisting in the fabric of Julian’s shirt.

“Thought you were tired,” he gasps, when Julian pulls away for air.

“Changed my mind,” Julian says, nipping at Derek’s jaw, “I _need_ you.”

Derek slides his hands up and under Julian’s shirt, stroking his skin. Julian shivers, lifts his arms to help Derek get it all the way off. Before his shirt even hits the floor, he’s pulling Derek in for a kiss again. He slips his tongue past Derek’s lips, and Derek growls, heaving him up without breaking the kiss. He pushes him backward, pressing him back onto the bed and climbing on top.

“Missed this so much,” he breathes, pressing his lips to Julian’s throat, “Fuck, Jules you have no _idea_ …”

“I might have _some_ idea,” Julian slips Derek’s shirt off and immediately goes for his jeans, fingers fumbling with the buttons, “Damnit, Derek, since when do you wear your pants this tight?”

“Like you’re one to talk,” Derek rises up, slides his own jeans off before working on Julian’s, “Seriously, it’s like they’re _painted_ on.”

“Just doing the world a favor. How else is everyone supposed to appreciate my ass?”

Julian smirks, but yelps when Derek smacks it, grinning.

“I’m not complaining,” he says, “turn over and I’ll show you _exactly_ how much I appreciate it.”

Julian’s eyes darken, and he rolls onto his hands and knees. Derek kneads at his ass, fixated on the way it bounces when he lets go. He leans in, digs his teeth into the soft flesh, and bites.

“ _Shit_ ,” Julian moans, pushing back against Derek’s mouth.

Derek licks over the bite mark, soothing it.

“Get the lube,” he murmurs, pressing kisses along Julian’s skin.

“Why is that _my_ job?” Julian whines, but he moves anyway, rummaging through Derek’s drawer and pulling out the lube and condoms. Derek takes them, uncapping the lube and slicking up one finger.

Julian whimpers when he presses in, “ _More_ , D.”

“Patience, Jules.”

He smirks, leans in to suck a bruise into Julian’s skin as he curls his finger. Julian writhes underneath him, burying his face in the pillow.

“Hey, none of that,” Derek scolds, “I wanna _hear_ you.”

He tangles his free hand in Julian’s hair, yanks until Julian’s face rises from the pillow. He’s whimpering, each time Derek moves, and Derek relishes the sound. He adds a second finger, scissors slowly while Julian moans below him. He dips down, licks at Julian’s entrance.

“Derek, _fuck_ …”

“Tell me what you want,” Derek hisses, mouth still pressed against Julian’s skin, “Tell me, Jules.”

“ _You_ ,” Julian gasps, “Derek, please. Please fuck me.”

Derek slips his fingers out, which makes Julian whine. He snags a condom, rolls it on as quick as he can, and drizzles lube over himself.

“I’m literally _begging you_ to _get inside me_ , Derek what the hell.”

“Working on it,” Derek grips Julian’s hips, lines himself up, and pushes in, slowly.

Julian moans, fists his hands into the sheets below him. Derek exhales, taking a moment to let Julian get used to the feeling before he starts moving again.

“ _Move_ ,” Julian breathes, and Derek complies. He rolls his hips backward before pushing back in, slowly. He can hear Julian whimpering, softly, and he bends at the waist, pressing his chest to Julian’s back.

It’s slower, than it normally is between them. Derek’s almost _gentle_ , this time, wrapping an arm around Julian and holding him in place. Julian’s trembling, keeps making these small, choked-off whimpers.

“Say my name,” Derek murmurs, lips pressed to Julian’s skin, “Say it.”

“ _Derek_ ,” Julian moans, lowly, “Derek, _please_.”

“I’m right here. I’ve got you.”

He tightens his grip around Julian’s waist, tilt his head to meet his lips in a searing kiss. Julian whines against his mouth, reaches for Derek’s hand and tangles their fingers together. He slides their linked hands down, wraps them both around his cock.

“Impatient, are we?”

“ _Touch me_ ,” Julian begs, “Derek, _please_.”

“I told you, I’ve got you,” Derek slides his hand down Julian’s cock, matching the rhythm of his hips, “Come for me. Come on, Jules.”

“ _Derek_ ,” he whimpers, against the other boy’s lips, “ _Derek_ …”

His mouth falls open as he orgasms, and he tips backwards against Derek’s chest. Derek holds him there, lets his hands roam over Julian’s skin as he pounds into him. He shouts Julian’s name when he comes, and his vision blacks out.

He must lose consciousness for a minute, because when he comes to, Julian’s rolled over, gazing down at him fondly and stroking his hair.

“That was…wow,” he says, voice tinged with laughter.

“Yeah,” Derek breathes, “That um…yeah.”

Julian grins and reaches up, brushing sweat-soaked hair from Derek’s forehead.

“You were thinking about someone, weren’t you?”

Derek shifts little, “I don’t…what?”

“It was different,” Julian explains, “Like you…I don’t know. It just kinda felt like you were thinking about someone else.”

“Maybe you just forgot how good I am.”

Julian looks at him for a moment, “Yeah. That must be it.”

He reaches down, grabs the nearest scrap of fabric to wipe himself clean.

“That’s my _shirt_ ,” Derek complains, and Julian laughs.

“I’ll buy you a new one,” he says, standing and grabbing for his own clothes.

“What, leaving already?”

“I still have to unpack,” Julian explains, pulling on his pants, “Besides, we have that test tomorrow, and I know how stressed you’ll be if you don’t get enough sleep.”

He leans down, presses a heated kiss to Derek’s lips, and pulls away smirking.

“See you at breakfast.”

He whirls from the room before Derek can react. Derek just sighs and pushes himself off the mattress, padding over to the bathroom to clean himself up.

When he climbs back into bed, he catches the lingering scent of Julian’s cologne still on his pillow. He presses his face into it and inhales, smiling to himself.

That night, he sleeps better than he has in weeks.


	5. Part V

Derek’s pretty happy with his life at the moment.

He’s just been named a co-captain of the lacrosse team, he’d aced his last math test, hit a new personal best on his deadlift, and he has the hottest guy in school crawling into his bed a few times a week.

He’s strutting around the school like he owns it, head held high.

Logan doesn’t question him about the Julian thing, anymore. But he does roll his eyes whenever Derek does something nice for him, mimes gagging when one of their conversations turns to the flirtatious. Which it does, lately, quickly and frequently.

Derek really can’t be bothered to hide it, anymore. He figures at this point, if Julian hasn’t noticed anything amiss, he never will.

So he does exactly what he wants — he flirts, and he buys Julian coffee, and sits close beside him while they study.

Julian doesn’t seem to mind. In fact, he responds in kind; he leans against Derek, passes him food off his tray at lunch, laughs at all his dumb jokes.

It’s nice. They’re not dating, and Derek’s fine with that. But he’s having fun, he’s getting laid, and he doesn’t have to deal with the pressure and emotions he’d be forced to confront in an _actual_ relationship. He’s perfectly happy, keeping things they way they are right now.

The end of the school year rolls around, and every single person in Stuart walks around like they’ve had a weight lifted from their shoulders.

“Oh my god, I’m so ready to be on a beach,” Julian exclaims when they walk out of their last class of the semester, throwing his arms wide, “Ohio is the _worst_.”

“You don’t have to keep coming back if you hate it so much, Princess,” Logan says, although he looks just as excited about the prospect of summer.

Julian turns, a faux pout on his lips, “But you two would be absolutely miserable without my presence.”

Logan rolls his eyes, “Yeah. You’re the reason we get out of bed each morning.”

“Well Derek loves me at least, don’t you, D?” Julian loops an arm through Derek’s, beams up at him with the sunniest smile he can manage. Derek tries not to melt.

“You’re alright, I guess,” he says, and Julian laughs brightly.

Logan’s staring at them, and Derek shifts awkwardly.

“So what time are we flying out, again?” He asks, trying to ignore the heat he feels where his arm is touching Julian’s.

“Three hours,” Logan responds, lifting an eyebrow at him, “You guys did finish packing, right?”

Julian waves a hand in the air, “I’m almost done. It’ll take like…five minutes, tops.”

He’s lying through his teeth, they discover, when Julian opens his bedroom door to an absolute _explosion_ of clothes. Derek and Logan both sigh, pull suitcases out of his closet, and start shoving things in, with no regard for wrinkles.

“That’s silk, Logan!” Julian yelps, yanking a shirt from his hands, “and god, Derek, careful with the McQueen, please.”

Derek rolls his eyes and folds the garish floral jacket gently, placing it inside a suitcase with a pointed look at Julian.

By the end of it, they barely manage to get his things packed before the car arrives to pick them up. Derek winds up carrying at least half of Julian’s bags down, but Julian smiles at him so sweetly he can’t work up the energy to be annoyed. They pile into the backseat of the waiting town car, and Julian winds up pressed closely to him, their thighs pressed together.

He hates that he has to move away when they arrive at the airport. Julian slides out first, flags someone down to take their bags.

He’s asleep before the plane even takes off. Derek glances at him sideways, smirks at the way Julian’s drooling onto his neck pillow. He reaches for Julian’s backpack under the seat, pulls out the blanket the actor always packs, and spreads it over his lap. When he turns away, Logan’s staring at him, with a look akin to pity.

“Shut up,” Derek hisses, yanking his earbuds out of his pocket and searching for a good playlist.

“Look, Derek I just think…” but Derek shoves the earbuds in, drowning out the sound of Logan’s voice. He can feel Logan’s annoyance, knows he’s still being glared at.

But Derek is determined to enjoy his summer, thank you very much. So he leans back, closes his eyes, and falls asleep for the remainder of the flight.

By the time they make it to the Seigerson’s Hamptons mansion, all three of them are exhausted. They barely make it through the doorway before they all collapse onto the nearest piece of furniture. Logan makes it to the sofa, Derek falls onto a recliner, and Julian just grabs a pillow and throws himself on the floor, curling up like a child.

They drift off into sleep for the next few hours. At some point, Derek wakes to quiet mumbling, opens his eyes halfway to peer at the other two. Logan’s moving his legs, making enough room on the sofa for Julian to curl up on the other end.

“Not my fault you fell asleep on the floor,” Logan grumbles, as Julian steals a blanket from him.

“Just promise you won’t kick, my back hurts enough already.”

Derek knows he shouldn’t feel jealous — the chair he’d fallen asleep on is too narrow to hold another person, and Julian and Logan are _barely_ touching. Still, he watches the encounter with a smidge of annoyance, even after the two have fallen back asleep.

The next time he wakes, it’s to the sun pouring in through the windows. He groans, rubs at his eyes and looks over at his friends.

They’re both still fast asleep, curled up on opposite ends of the sofa. Their legs are slightly tangled together, and one of Logan’s hands is resting atop Julian’s calf. Derek sighs at the sight and drags himself off of the chair, making his way to the kitchen to start a pot of coffee.

Predictably, the smell of it brewing seems to rouse the others, and Julian wanders in fifteen minutes later, still yawning and rubbing at his eyes.

“Logan’s in the shower,” he says, as he takes the mug Derek offers him, “But he said if you don’t make him a cup, he’s going to start thinking I’m your favorite.”

“You _are_ my favorite,” Derek replies, grinning, “Logan doesn’t give me orgasms.”

Julian smirks for a moment, then bites his lip and looks away.

“Might be kind of hard to sneak around with just the three of us, you know,” he says, looking a little disappointed.

“It’s okay,” Derek lies, “I _am_ capable of surviving without sex, you know.”

“Sure about that?” Julian raises an eyebrow, “You’re kind of insatiable, you know.”

“Look who’s talking.”

“Well then,” Julian moves to stand beside him, reaches out to squeeze Derek’s forearm, “Guess we’ll just have to find a way.”

Derek feels his breath catch. Julian’s smiling at him, and the morning light is catching his eyes just right, making them sparkle almost golden…

The sound of someone trodding down the stairs kills the moment, and Derek breaks away to fetch a mug for Logan, managing to pour it just before the blond walks into the room.

“Oh, so you do like me,” he says, snidely, taking the coffee from Derek’s hands, “I almost thought Julian here was special, or something.”

He raises an eyebrow at Derek pointedly, then sits beside Julian, pulling the sugar from his hands. Julian grumbles and snatches it back, leading to a brief tussle between the two.

Derek just rolls his eyes, “When the two of you decide to stop being children, I could really use a tennis partner.”

Julian groans, “It’s vacation, Derek, do you really need to practice to make the team next year?”

“Believe it or not, Larson, some of us need to work to stay in shape. We can’t all be born pretty.”

“Shame,” Julian grins, sipping at his coffee, “The world would be a much more beautiful place if everyone could be more like me.”

Logan audibly gags.

Derek just rolls his eyes, “I’m gonna go change. Try not to kill each other, would you?”

He grabs one of his suitcases from the doorway and hauls it upstairs, pulls out a pair of swim shorts and a t-shirt. He grabs a pair of sneakers and heads back to the kitchen, pulling two rackets from a closet as he goes.

When he walks back in, the air is tense. Julian and Logan are standing on opposite ends of the kitchen — Logan looks annoyed, and Julian has his arms crossed over his chest.

“Everything okay?” He asks, glancing between them.

“Fine,” Julian says shortly, “His majesty is just being his irritating self, like normal.”

He practically slams his coffee cup down on the counter and walks out, grabbing one of the rackets from Derek’s hand. Derek isn’t sure if he expects him to follow or not, but Logan doesn’t look like he’s going to talk, so Derek shrugs and walks out to the yard.

“Hey, Jules wait up,” Derek says, jogging after him, “What happened? What did he say?”

“Your serve,” is the only response he gets, and Julian centers himself on the court, still looking pissed.

Derek hesitates, but he’s learned to leave Julian be when he doesn’t feel like talking. So he serves, and Julian slams the ball back, nearly sending it right at Derek’s chest. They play like that, for a while, and Julian’s aggression eventually fades.

Logan makes his way out, at some point, and watches them play with disinterest. Once Julian’s angry energy is drained, his movements slow. He makes minimal effort to chase after the ball, and eventually tosses the racket at Logan wordlessly, walking off in favor of diving into the pool.

Derek takes to taunting Logan, instead. It’s petty, he knows, but he assumes Logan’s the one who’d started whatever drama went down this morning.

Then Logan misses a ball that goes whizzing by his head, and Derek follows his distracted gaze to Julian, who’s hoisting himself out of the pool, dripping water everywhere.

He feels an intense pang of jealousy at that. His efforts double, and Logan’s eventually surrendering, breathing hard and sweating.

“Looks like you lost, Lo,” Julian calls, taunting. Derek’s a little smug, and saunters over to sit beside him. Logan just grumbles and strips his shirt off, diving into the pool Julian had just evacuated.

Derek ignores the way Julian watches the motion.

The blond starts swimming laps, and Derek turns to face Julian.

“What’d he say?” He asks, quietly, even though Logan’s unlikely to hear them over the sound of the water.

Julian’s quiet for a moment, and Derek can’t read his expression through the sunglasses.

“…he said I need to stop flirting with you,” he says, finally, “Apparently it’s _unfair_ for a straight guy to act the way I do.”

Derek sighs, heavily, “Yeah. He’s been bugging me too. Guess we weren’t as subtle as we thought.”

“He was a total asshole about it,” Julian continues, “I’m considering drowning him right now.”

Derek laughs, “Honestly, it’s kind of sweet. Like he’s looking out for me.”

“Yeah, by yelling at _me_.”

Logan stops his breaststroke, grabbing onto the side of the pool to catch his breath. Julian and Derek fall silent, both laying back in their chairs like they’d been sunbathing the whole time. He heaves himself out of the water, ignores the glare Julian shoots his way when he plops down in a chair beside them.

They lay like that, in silence, punctuated only by the shuffling sounds of Julian switching positions to ensure his tan is even. Eventually, Derek has to coax them up.

“Alright, don’t want Logan here getting sunburned the first day of vacation,” he says, rising to his feet, “Come on, lets go get some food.”

Julian grumbles, irritated at being pulled from his rest. But Logan’s already looking a little pink, and he follows without too much complaint.

There’s a nice seafood place not too far, one of Derek’s favorites. He and Logan get in a brief debate over the blond ordering a steak --  _"at a seafood place, really, at least try the ahi tuna!" --_ which only ends when Julian orders _nachos_ , of all things.

“They serve lobster,” Derek says, horrified, “and you pick chips covered in cheese?”

“There’s chili and sour cream, too,” Julian says, shoving a cheese-coated tortilla chip into his mouth, “They’re delicious, don’t judge me.”

“Oh I’m judging,” Logan says, raising an eyebrow at his plate, “Honestly, Julian, that’s—you got a milkshake too, seriously? Are you _five_?”

Julian scowls, and eats the remainder of his meal while glaring at them both. They don’t let up on the mocking, though Derek does slide a hand under the table, squeezes Julian’s thigh to prove he doesn’t really mean any of it.

They stop for gelato on the way home, and Julian winds up with a dot of ice cream on his nose. Derek’s half-tempted to lick it off, but Logan’s right there, so he just dabs at it with a finger, laughing.

It’s going to be a good summer, Derek decides, as they walk back into his house.

Then his phone rings, and he steps into another room to talk to his father, leaving Julian and Logan alone for all of five minutes.

He can hear the yelling before he even hangs up, and makes up a half-assed excuse to end the call. He almost barges into the room to break it up, but thinks better of it and hesitates just outside, listening.

“It’s a really shitty thing to do, Julian! You have no idea what something like that feels like!”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” Julian says, voice shaking with rage, “None. So just lay off.”

“He _obviously_ has a crush on you,” Logan’s yelling, and Derek’s heart sinks, “There’s no way you don’t see that.”

“Derek does not have a crush on me—“

“He does!” Logan interrupts, “And you’re leading him on. _Flirting_ with him like he actually stands a chance, touching him—my god, Julian, straight guys don’t act like that with other guys!”

“I’m not,” Julian says, a little more quietly.

There’s a moment of complete silence. Derek leans against the wall, wishing he could see Logan’s reaction.

“…you’re not…what?”

“Straight,” Julian says, and Derek squeezes his eyes shut, “I’m not straight.”

There’s another moment of silence.

“That’s…you are, though. I’d know if you weren’t.”

He hears Julian laugh, coldly, “Apparently not, Lo, because I’m _definitely_ bi.”

Derek pulls himself away from the doorway, unable to listen to the rest.

Everything’s going to come out now. Julian’s sexuality, Julian’s feelings. Julian’s going to fess up to everything, and him and Logan are going to wind up together, and Derek’s going to be stuck watching them live some fairytale romance, alone and sad.

He goes to his room, closes the door behind him, and throws himself face-first onto the bed to wallow in pity.

He’s only a little surprised to hear his door open not much later.

“So,” Logan says, flatly, “All those times I asked you about Julian, you just lied your ass off. For months. To my face.”

Derek sits up, figures he at least owes Logan a civil conversation.

“He wasn’t ready to be out,” he says, slowly, “I couldn’t tell you about it without ruining that for him.”

“So you guys are fucking,” Logan crosses his arms, eyes fixed on Derek’s face, “This whole time, I’ve been thinking you were like…in love with him or something. But it’s just that you two have been having sex. The whole time.”

Derek swallows, hard, “Yeah. Guess I’m just not as good of an actor as he is.”

Logan finally sighs, and drops his arms.

“I guess I can’t really be mad at you. Him, sure. We're friends, he should've _told_ me. But I get you not wanting to out him.”

“I didn’t like it,” Derek admits, “Lying to you. Trying to hide stuff from your best friend sucks.”

“But that’s it, right?” Logan asks, leaning against the wall, “Julian’s bi. You two are hooking up. That’s all the secrets, right?”

“Right,” Derek says, hoping Logan can’t hear the guilt in his voice, “No more lies.”

Logan smiles at him, then laughs a little.

“So,” he says, “Julian likes guys. Who would’ve guessed?”

“Seriously, dude?” Derek quirks an eyebrow, “He is not subtle.”

“He’s an _actor_ ,” Logan says defensively, “And from California. I just assumed he was super metrosexual!”

“He literally checks guys out all the time, how did you not notice that?”

“I was probably _also_ checking those guys out.”

Derek rolls his eyes, “You’re just totally oblivious. It wasn’t hard to figure out.”

“…is he any good?”

“Oh my god, Logan,” Derek picks up a pillow, chucks it at Logan’s head, “I am not talking to you about this.”

Logan laughs, “I was just kidding, D, relax.”

“So you’re really okay with this? You’re not totally furious at us for lying to you?”

Logan shrugs, “Kinda pissed. But it’s also just…kinda interesting.”

“Interesting?” Derek asks, “How so?”

“Just…interesting.”

He shoves his hands in his pocket and strolls out of the room, looking thoughtful.

Derek gets a sick, sinking feeling in his stomach. He’s glad Logan isn’t angry at them, he really is. Glad that Julian hadn’t told him how he really felt.

But he’s also very, very worried about what, exactly, Logan found so _interesting_.


	6. Part VI

Derek doesn’t see Julian until the next morning.

He’d locked himself in Derek’s guest room after his conversation with Logan, hadn’t responded when Derek yelled through the door that they were getting dinner.

When he _does_ materialize, he swings by the kitchen to grab coffee, mumbles that he’s going to sit by the pool, and takes off without waiting for Derek or Logan to respond.

Derek doesn’t miss the new way Logan looks at him — the way his eyes scan the length of Julian’s body, mostly uncovered in an unbuttoned linen shirt and swim shorts. He doesn’t like it, not one bit. Still, when Logan turns to him, asks again if this _thing_ between them is just sex, Derek lies.

“I told you, we’re not a couple,” Derek says, pouring himself a bowl of cereal, “We just happened to both be horny at the same time, and it was good, so we kept doing it.”

“I still can’t believe I didn’t notice,” Logan says, sitting beside him, “Like I thought it was weird that you guys were getting touchy all of a sudden, but I can’t believe I never saw you coming out of his room or anything.”

“We were good at sneaking around. Plus, no offense, but you’re not great at noticing things that don’t directly affect you.”

Logan frowns, “I just don’t understand why Julian didn’t feel comfortable telling me he’s bi. I’m _gay_ , did he really think I wouldn’t react well?”

Derek hides his hesitation by taking a bite of cereal, chewing thoughtfully.

“I think he’s just really used to keeping things to himself,” he says, finally, “He didn’t even tell _me_ , technically. I had to figure it out myself.”

“We’re his friends, though. I tell you guys literally everything. He has to know he can trust us.”

Derek shrugs, “Hollywood is crazy, man. He’s probably used to people trying to sell his secrets to magazines, or something. I’m sure it wasn’t personal.”

“Well he has to trust _someone_ ,” Logan says, “He can’t just keep all his feelings bottled up. That’s not healthy.”

“Maybe if you were nicer to him he’d be more willing to open up.”

Logan’s mouth falls open, and he stares at Derek.

“Excuse me?”

“I’m just saying,” Derek sets his spoon down, “I know you were trying to look out for me, because you thought I had some unrequited crush on him. But you were kind of a dick to him about it, and he told you something he really wasn’t comfortable telling _anyone_ , and you continued arguing with him. Maybe next time try being supportive.”

“You think I’m not supportive?” Logan scowls, “I’m not…I was _surprised_ , is all!”

“That doesn’t excuse you acting like a dick.”

Logan gapes at him, like he’s offended Derek would dare call him out. He grabs his coffee mug and stands.

“I’m gonna go talk to him, then,” he says, haughtily, “and be _supportive_.”

He stomps out of the room rather dramatically, and Derek rolls his eyes.

It’s a good thing, he figures, for Julian and Logan to talk about this. He wants Julian to have this support system, _wants_ Julian to know he has friends he can trust. He doesn’t mind that it means the two of them will be alone together, really.

If he dumps the rest of his breakfast down the garbage disposal, it’s only because he really wasn’t that hungry, anyway.

When he heads outside, he finds Julian and Logan sitting on the edge of the pool, talking quietly. Julian looks up when he hears Derek coming, and his cheeks tinge pink. He immediately pushes himself into the pool, and Logan laughs as Julian submerges himself in the water.

“What’d I miss?” Derek asks, and Logan smirks.

“Just being supportive, don’t worry about it.”

Julian’s still blushing when he comes back up for air, but he just grips onto the wall between Logan and Derek, kicking lazily at the water.

“You know,” Logan says, pursing his lips a little, “I’m kind of offended that _both_ my best friends are attracted to men, and neither of them so much as considered me as an option.”

Derek snorts, and Julian laughs a little nervously.

“You’re not my type,” Derek says, “At all. Sorry.”

“I’m _everyone’s_ type,” Logan says defensively, “You’d be lucky to get with this.”

“Nah, I like my men prettier.”

“What, like Julian?”

“Oh my god,” Julian blurts, and dips back into the water. Derek waits for him to surface before he responds.

“He is pretty, isn’t he?” He asks, grinning, “Someone should put him in movies, or something.”

Logan laughs, and Julian splashes at them both.

“You two are the _worst_ ,” he says, “Can we go back to making fun of Logan all the time, instead of me?”

“Oh, like talking about how neither of you think I’m attractive?” Logan asks, “What about you, Jules, I’m not your type, either? You’d rather go for Derek?”

“Derek’s the one who noticed I swing both ways,” Julian responds, “Maybe you should’ve paid more attention.”

He pushes off the wall, slipping beneath the surface again. Logan watches him cut through the water, gaze intense.

“Yeah,” he says, so softly Derek barely hears it, “Maybe I should’ve.”

Derek looks over, and feels a little sick when he sees the way Logan’s eyes are tracking Julian’s movement.

It doesn’t stop there.

Logan looks at Julian differently, now. Julian doesn’t seem to notice, but Derek _definitely_ does.

He might overreact, a little.

Each time he catches Logan staring, Derek makes sure to wrap an arm around Julian’s shoulders, say something flirty, do something that brings Julian’s attention back to him.

He tells himself it doesn’t mean anything.

Now that Logan knows, he doesn’t need to pretend he isn’t sleeping with Julian, is all.

So what, if he makes sure Logan sees the next time he pulls Julian into his room? So what, if he forgets to close the door all the way, knowing full well how the sounds of Julian moaning will travel down the hall? So what, if he sucks a line of bruises into the soft skin of Julian’s neck, just above where his collar usually rests?

He’s just enjoying the freedom of not having to hide.

Logan nearly spits out his coffee when Julian stumbles downstairs one morning, looking thoroughly fucked. He has a dopey smile on his face, a series of love marks dotting his skin, hair sticking up in every direction.

Derek’s following him, looking smug, and Logan raises an eyebrow.

“Well,” he says, blinking a few times, “Um. Jules, you might’ve missed a few buttons.”

Julian looks down at his shirt, and Derek takes the opportunity to smirk at Logan.

“I’m just _that_ good,” he says.

“Yeah, apparently,” Logan replies, still watching as Julian clumsily re-buttons, “You guys might want to think about closing the door, next time. Kinda couldn’t sleep with all that going on.”

“Whoops,” Derek says, reaching over to help Julian with his shirt. He lets his fingers brush over a bruise, knowing it’ll make Julian shiver.

“Oh my god,” Logan groans, “I get it, you two are fucking. I’m trying to _eat_ , here.”

Julian immediately pulls away, “You’re just jealous we’re getting laid and you’re not.”

“You look like you’ve been mauled by a bear, Jules.”

“I’m more of a jock than a bear, I think,” Derek says, and Logan almost spits out his coffee.

“Holy shit, I’m so done with you two,” Julian says, trying not to laugh.

Derek just grins, and hops into a seat next to Logan. He leans over, nabs a piece of toast from Logan’s plate.

“What are we doing today?” He asks, “Because no offense, but I’m getting a little bored playing the two of you in tennis. You guys kinda suck.”

“There’s a party,” Julian pipes up, “I got the invite last week. Hot celebrities, lots of alcohol. You guys could come, if you want.”

“Oh?” Logan asks, “You’d actually deign to invite us to your famous people parties?”

“Only if you guys can pretend to be cool for a few hours.”

“We’re _super_ cool,” Derek argues, around a mouthful of toast, “If anything, you’re the uncool one here.”

Julian looks horribly offended at that.

“I changed my mind, you guys can’t come.”

“Nope, too late,” Logan says, “We’re definitely going.”

“Yeah, _and_ we’re going to get Logan laid,” Derek adds, clapping his friend on the shoulder. Logan pulls a face, but Julian looks at him, lips pursed.

“In that case, I’m picking out his outfit.”

“I know how to dress,” Logan says, “Michelle was a model, remember?”

“Just trust me, would you?”

Logan rolls his eyes, but doesn’t argue, that night, when Julian tears through his clothes to pick out an outfit he deems appropriate. He picks out Derek’s outfit, too, leaves him with strict instructions to keep the top three buttons undone.

He _does_ look pretty fantastic, Derek thinks, as he examines himself in the mirror. He does a little spin, checking himself out from every angle. Once he’s satisfied, he steps out into the hallway, sees Logan stepping out of the bathroom. The blond looks pretty great, too — Julian’s put him in a shirt the exact shade of his eyes, and even Derek is a little taken aback.

“Damn, Lo, you should let Jules dress you more often,” he says, with a low whistle.

“He should, shouldn’t he?” Julian steps out from behind him, staring at his work a little smugly, “You both look _fantastic_.”

He reaches up to fix Logan’s collar, straightening the fabric against Logan’s neck.

“In fact, I might just have to keep you both to myself,” he jokes, before grinning and making his way downstairs.

Logan _definitely_ checks his ass out as he passes, and Derek clears his throat, forcing the blond to look up.

“Shall we?” He asks, with a saccharine smile, and gestures for Logan to go first.

They’re fashionably late to the party, and Julian’s almost immediately greeted by a small group of people Derek vaguely recognizes from television. He gets dragged away, and Derek and Logan are left alone in a house full of unfamiliar people.

“…I’m gonna find the bar,” Logan says, and Derek nods, violently.

“Great idea,” he says, and sticks close to Logan as they push through the crowd. They eventually find a long counter covered in bottles, and Logan scoops up a bottle of scotch. He takes a long swig before offering the bottle to Derek.

“I gotta tell you, I expected him to hang around us for at _least_ half an hour.”

“He has to maintain his _image_ ,” Derek says, sneering around the word. He steals another swallow from the bottle before continuing, “I’m pretty sure his publicist would pitch a fit if he went to a party and didn’t interact with every famous person around.”

“So much for him introducing me to that new Calvin Klein model,” Logan sighs, glancing around, “Hey, do you think that guy’s gay?”

Derek follows his look, hums curiously and watches the dark-haired guy Logan pointed out. He’s definitely attractive, that’s for sure, but when a tall redheaded woman walks by, his eyes follow her every movement.

“Probably not,” he replies, “But I think that guy is—yep, making out with another dude. We’re getting warmer.”

Logan laughs lightly, and leans back against the bar, “I gotta tell you, D, I don’t know how you do it. Random hook-ups just seem stressful.”

“Well I haven’t, in a while,” Derek admits, sipping out of the bottle before passing it back. Logan glances at him sideways.

“Since Julian?”

He shrugs, “It’s easy, y’know? Why go through the effort of taking someone out to dinner when I can just walk across the hall and get laid?”

“Doesn’t look like he feels the same.”

“What are you talking about?”

Logan nods at a point across the room, and Derek looks up.

Julian’s standing in the middle of the crowd, smiling widely. There’s a tall — admittedly very handsome — guy standing beside him, one hand on his waist. A woman leans into him, pressing _her_ hand against his chest. His gaze keeps flicking between the two, and a mischievous look crosses his face. Derek turns away, slightly nauseated.

“He’s allowed to hook up with whoever he wants,” he says, snatching the bottle from Logan’s hands.

“Where does that leave you?”

Derek stares into the amber liquid, wondering what the hell he’s doing. Why he’s letting himself continue this, why he didn’t crush these feelings before he got to this point. He wants to vomit, when he thinks about Julian going home with someone else. Can’t stand the thought of someone else touching him, kissing him, fucking him.

“D?”

Logan lays a hand on his shoulder, looking worried.

“Are you okay?” He asks, and takes the scotch from him, “Maybe you should slow down.”

It was stupid, letting himself get so involved in this. He doesn’t do this, doesn’t get this connected to someone. He’s _Derek Seigerson_ , for fuck’s sake. He doesn’t wallow in self-pity like this. Doesn’t pine over a guy like this. This isn’t who he is.

He looks up, sees Logan still staring down at him, confused.

Maybe it’s the alcohol talking.

Maybe it’s the hurt he feels.

Maybe some sick part of him knows this’ll hurt Julian.

Maybe, some part of him _wants_ this.

“You wanna get out of here?” He says, eyes boring in to Logan’s.

Logan looks momentarily surprised. He opens his mouth a little, closes it, and gives Derek a once-over.

“Yeah,” he says, finally, “Let’s get out of here.”


	7. Part VII

Derek takes the bottle of scotch with him.

He and Logan pass it between themselves as they make their way back to the Seigerson’s, eventually abandoning it somewhere on the lawn.

When Logan first touches him, it’s almost timid — like he isn’t sure how to go about this, doesn’t quite believe Derek will go through with this. But Derek’s horny, and tipsy, and desperately needs the image of Julian going home with a pair of models out of his mind. He pulls Logan closer, yanks him down by the hair and presses their lips together.

It’s a good kiss.

Not _great_ — they’re both fighting for control a little too much, and the alcohol definitely affects their coordination — but Derek’s definitely had worse.

Getting up the stairs is a bit of a struggle; Logan’s handsier than he expected, and trying to get clothing off without separating is basically impossible. Still, by the time they reach Derek’s room, they’ve managed to get both of their shirts off, and Derek’s pants are hanging somewhere around mid-thigh. Logan’s own jeans get discarded somewhere on the way to the bed, just before he shoves Derek against the mattress and crawls over him.

It doesn’t last long.

At this point, they’re both too far gone to deal with working out the logistics of sex. They wind up exchanging sloppy handjobs, lips pressed messily together and tongues clashing, then rolling off each other, panting.

They lay beside each other, afterwards, both a little thrown off by what’s just happened.

“That…might have been a bad idea,” Logan says, after a moment, “We…you weren’t really into that, were you?”

“Were you?” Derek asks, turning to look at him. Logan shakes his head, minutely, looking a little guilty.

“Sorry,” he says, biting his lower lip, “Do you want me to go?”

He looks concerned, is frowning down at Derek like he’s worried about the effect this will have on their friendship. Derek opens his mouth.

“…I think I’m in love with Julian,” he blurts, without thinking.

Logan exhales, reaches over to awkwardly pat at Derek’s hand.

“I know,” he says, a sad smile on his lips, “It’s gonna be okay.”

“It’s not,” Derek can’t seem to stop talking, the words spilling out of his lips before he can think, “He doesn’t…he likes someone else. I’m just…a distraction. And I can’t stop feeling like this, and I can’t tell him, and I hate this.”

“Hey,” Logan rolls onto his side, “There’s no way whoever he likes is better than you.”

Derek wants to _scream_ , but he winds up laughing, instead.

The situation is just so monumentally awful. He can’t believe he’s confiding in Logan, of all people, telling Logan about all these issues with Julian, knowing full well how Julian feels about Logan.

But he can’t tell _Julian_ , and he’s so tired of holding it all in, keeping it to himself.

“I keep trying to make it stop,” he says, “I’ve tried to talk myself out of it. But I can’t.”

“That isn’t how it works,” Logan says, “You can’t just stop liking someone like that.”

“How do I stop feeling like this, then? How do I stop hurting all the time?”

“I don’t know,” Logan sighs, “You really...you won’t even consider telling him?”

“I can’t. I know it’s dumb, to keep hooking up with him when I feel like this. But it’s the only way I’m going to have him, and I can’t lose that. If I tell him…” Derek takes a deep breath, squeezes his eyes shut for a moment, “If I tell him, I’ll lose him. I know it.”

Logan’s giving him that pitying look again, the one Derek hates almost as much as these ridiculous _feelings_.

“Look, D, maybe…” he seems at a loss for words, “Fuck, I don’t know. Just distract yourself, I guess?”

"Yeah," Derek breathes, thinking, "Distract myself."

He looks over, glances down at Logan’s still-naked body, the pool of drying come on his stomach. Makes another rash decision.

“We’re friends, right?” He asks, shifting closer. Despite Logan’s earlier insistence that he’s not into Derek that way, he definitely _looks_ a little interested, eyes flicking down to Derek’s rising cock.

“Yeah,” he murmurs, not pushing Derek away, “We’re friends.”

“So if I asked you to distract me…”

Logan doesn’t respond, but he leans in, presses his lips against Derek’s.

It’s softer, this time. There’s no more fighting, no more power struggle. Logan hovers over him, licks into Derek’s mouth. His hands slide down Derek’s chest, long fingers wrapping around Derek’s length.

“Fuck,” Derek gasps, when Logan starts stroking. He understands, now, the obsession with pianists. Logan _definitely_ knows how to use his hands, knows exactly how to use his fingers to make Derek’s eyes roll back.

They don’t say much, during.

They both know this doesn’t mean anything.

Derek needs this to distract himself, to keep his mind off Julian for just a few minutes. He’s sure Logan’s thinking about someone else too, seeing someone else’s face when he closes his eyes.

He doesn’t care. Logan’s _here_ , and he knows exactly what he’s doing; he manages to wring another orgasm out of Derek before they both collapse again, sweaty and panting.

Derek can feel Logan’s leg pressed against his, Logan’s hand lying half-under his hip. He should move, he knows, should push Logan off and go clean up. But before he can work up the energy, his eyes start to drift closed, and he succumbs to sleep.

It’s still dark when he’s awoken by a violent elbow to the side. Logan’s sitting up abruptly, yanking the sheets up to his waist. Derek mumbles a complaint, rolls over groggily to bitch at Logan, when his eyes catch on the light now streaming in from the hallway.

The door’s open, and Julian’s standing there, staring at the bed with an unreadable expression on his face.

Derek’s stomach drops.

He glances at Logan, who’s still clutching at the sheets, staring wide-eyed at Julian. Looks back at Julian, who’s staring at the minuscule distance between his two friends, the obvious nakedness half-hidden by the sheets.

“Oh,” he says, softly.

“Jules,” Derek sits up, slides further away from Logan, “Julian, we…”

“I couldn’t find you guys,” Julian breathes, still frozen in place, “At the party. I tried calling. I thought…I thought maybe you’d gotten tired…”

His gaze is unfocused, lips slightly parted. He’s holding himself carefully, but Derek sees the way his fingers grow white where he’s clutching at the door frame.

“This, um,” Logan clears his throat, glances back at Derek momentarily, “This isn’t what it looks like.”

“You didn’t fuck?”

Derek can’t move. He feels his mouth opening and closing, sees the expectant way Logan keeps looking back at him. But he doesn’t know what to say. Doesn’t know how to tell the boy he loves that yes, he’d slept with the boy _he_ loves, knowing full well how bad that would hurt. He doesn’t know how to fix this, how to make this unbelievably tangled situation a little less fucked-up.

“…we had scotch,” Logan tries, and Julian laughs, a little hysterically.

“Okay,” he says, pulling his hand from the door, “Okay.”

He turns, slowly, and disappears from the doorway. His footsteps are quiet, his shadow fading away like a ghost.

Derek finally finds his voice, but manages only a strangled sound.

“ _Go_ ,” Logan hisses, shoving at Derek’s arm, “Talk to him, D.”

“What am I supposed to say? I thought he went home with that couple he was flirting with. I didn’t…I didn’t think he’d _see_ …”

Logan leans down, grabs Derek’s pants from the floor and throws them at him.

“Look, I’m not going to pretend that I understand what kind of messed up relationship you guys have, but I can tell you that’s not how a person reacts when they see their casual sex partner in bed with someone else. There’s _something_ there, alright? Go talk to him.”

Derek doesn’t know how to respond — he can’t tell Logan the truth, can’t tell him the real reason Julian’s so upset. He takes the clothes Logan’s throwing at him, pulls on his pants and hastily buttons his shirt. His head is pounding, and his legs aren’t quite cooperating, but he makes it to Julian’s room, knocks softly and waits.

“Jules?” He calls, when the door stays closed, “Julian please, talk to me.”

There’s still no response, and Derek tentatively tries the handle. It opens, and he pushes inside.

“Julian? Please…just let me explain, okay?”

Julian’s sitting on the edge of the bed, elbows resting on his knees. His face is blank, eyes staring at nothing.

Derek shuts the door behind him and leans against it.

“Julian, I…” he starts, but the actor interrupts him.

“Was it the first time?” He asks, voice devoid of emotion.

“The first time—?”

“The first time that you and Logan fucked.”

“We’ve never…it wasn’t like that, okay? We were…we were drunk,” Derek drops to his knees in front of Julian, slowly reaches for his hand. Julian pulls away.

“So you guys just…left, together. You got a little drunk and you thought, what? _Might as well go home and fuck Logan_?”

“I know how you feel about him,” Derek says, “I know, I shouldn’t have…I’m sorry.”

Julian finally looks up, a sad smile on his face.

“Why should you be?” He asks, “It’s not like I have any right to be upset about any of this, right?”

Derek reaches for him again, manages to squeeze Julian’s fingers for half a second before the actor’s pulling away from him again.

“Of course you’re allowed to be upset,” he says, “I shouldn’t have. And I am so, so sorry.”

Julian just swallows, hard, and nods his head.

“Okay,” he murmurs, “That’s…I guess this was never going to end well for me, anyway.”

“Jules…”

Julian stands, turning away. He reaches for his suitcase, throws it open and starts gathering up handfuls of clothes.

“Julian you can’t just leave.”

“There’s a movie,” Julian says, “I said no, the first time they asked. I guess I thought it’d be more fun to be _here_ …”

He trails off, laughs at himself before squaring his shoulders.

“…but I’m gonna take it,” he continues, “I have to be back by tomorrow night, so I should probably catch the next flight.”

He zips up the bag, stares at it for a moment, breathing hard.

“Well…at least let me take you to the airport,” Derek offers, but Julian just gives him one of those fake smiles he hates so much.

“I’ll manage, thanks. I always do.”

“Jules, it’s the middle of the night,” Derek says, as Julian pulls on his jacket, “Please don’t do this.”

Julian just squeezes his eyes shut, brings his hand up to rub at his temples.

“I can’t,” he finally mumbles, and Derek doesn’t miss the single tear falling down his cheek, “I can’t be here, right now. I’m sorry.”

He grabs his bag, walks past Derek without looking at him.

He doesn’t call for the rest of the summer.

Derek texts him, more than a few times. Apology texts, messages about what he’s spent the summer doing.

He and Logan go to the movies, midway through June, and Derek insists on seeing Julian’s most recent film, the one all the critics insist he’ll earn an Oscar nomination for. It’s amazing, just as expected, and Derek texts him after seeing it, lets him know exactly what he thought.

He gets one word in response.

 _Thanks_.

He sighs, figures it’s probably the best he could’ve expected.

Logan’s been surprisingly compassionate, throughout the whole thing. He lets Derek rant, talks to him about his feelings. Learns when to bring Julian up and when to avoid the subject entirely.

“Did you like him before?” He asks one day, over pizza. Derek chews a slice, considering.

“I don’t think so,” he admits, “Not like…it’s not because of the sex, you know? But I think maybe…maybe the sex made me think about him that way? I don’t know how to explain it.”

“Like it suddenly made you realize he was an option, and it changed how you see him?”

“…yeah,” Derek frowns, looking up, “Yeah, that’s exactly it.”

Logan just smiles at him, hands him another slice.

“You never brought it up at all? Never even like, hinted to him that you wanted more?”

“I told you, Logan. He likes someone else.”

“You really think he’d be hooking up with you all year if he liked someone else?”

“He would if the person didn’t like him back,” Derek says.

Logan makes a face, “Seriously? Who turned him down? I mean, it’s Julian. We can barely leave school without people swarming him. Everyone wants him.”

“You don’t.”

It feels like the whole room stills. Logan blinks at him, slowly. Sets down his pizza.

“What…what are you saying, exactly?”

Derek takes a breath, meets Logan’s eyes. No more lies.

“It’s you, Logan,” he says, “Julian’s in love with _you_.”


	8. Part VIII

Derek feels guilty, spilling all of Julian’s secrets.

But he’s sick of all the lying and hiding, of the drama they’ve all caused by keeping things from each other.

It takes a while for Logan to process everything. They stay up all night talking, the first night. It’s actually kind of nice, being able to talk about all the things they’ve been ignoring the past few years. It brings them closer, in a way. It’s nice.

But they can’t stay in the Hamptons forever — Derek has a sports camp in July, and Logan tags along with his father and Michelle when they go to DC for a month.

He tries to find ways to distract himself, throws himself into working out with a ferocity he didn’t realize he had. He’s starting to fill out more; his muscles are growing into a more mature definition, and he’s pretty sure he’s gotten taller. He flirts with some of the other boys, a little half-heartedly, goes home with a handful for some meaningless sex.

He still doesn’t hear from Julian.

Until the day he comes back from the gym, picks his phone up off his bed, and sees a half-dozen text messages from various people. There’s a couple missed calls, from Logan, but it’s the messages that earn his focus, first. There’s a few from Dalton students, one from his cousin, one from his mother, all with the same link. He frowns, wonders for a moment if this is some kind of new phone virus, then actually _looks_ at the URL.

It’s a TMZ article.

He sees Julian’s name in the string of words, and clicks.

_**JULIAN LARSON CAUGHT AT GAY CLUB WITH MYSTERY MAN** _

He scoffs at the headline, knowing the kind of bullshit the paparazzi have accused Julian of in the past, with little to no proof. The wild speculation that results from Julian doing such exciting things like _stopping for gas_ or _buying frozen yogurt_.

But the pictures are a little damning.

Julian’s clearly dressed for a night out, clad in extremely form-fitting jeans and a wine-colored shirt. His hair is half-falling over his eyes, and his lips are curved into a slight smile.

His arm is stretched out behind him, his fingers linked around another hand.

The boy behind him isn’t what Derek would have guessed.

Julian had admitted once, way back when they first started, that he tended to hook up with guys who looked similar to Logan.

Derek would have expected someone tall, blond, dressed head-to-toe in designer clothing.

But this guy is nearly the opposite — he’s just a tad shorter than Julian, a little stocky, with short, dark hair. Julian’s definitely wildly out of this guy’s league, Derek thinks, a little jealously. There’s no _way_ this is what it looks like.

He scrolls down.

There’s more pictures.

He’s not sure if Julian didn’t realize he was being watched, or if he just hadn’t cared. There’s a whole series of snapped photos, showing the pair walking out of the club and into a waiting car. The other guy’s hand drifts to Julian’s waist, at some point, and Julian looks back at him over his shoulder, grinning.

It’s the last photo that really holds Derek’s attention.

It’s a little blurry, taken through the tinted windows of the car. But it’s not impossible to make out — Julian’s head is tilted back, eyes closed as the man with him presses a kiss to his neck.

There’s no way Julian’s team will be able to deny what’s going on, here.

The pictures outside the club would be easy to spin; they’d been drunk, is all, forced to hold onto each other to keep from stumbling onto the pavement.

But this last one…

It’s obvious what’s going on. Obvious that Julian isn’t merely _friends_ with this stranger, that he doesn’t exclusively hook up with girls. He’s sure they’ll issue some kind of vague statement, maybe try to point out that Julian isn’t _actually_ reciprocating the kiss. But it’s flimsy, at best.

Julian’s _out_ now.

His phone rings again.

“Did you see it?” Logan asks, before Derek can even finish his hello.

“Yeah,” Derek says flatly, “He’s um…Jules could definitely do better, couldn’t he?”

“They aren’t dating.”

Logan’s sounds so sure of the fact that Derek pauses for a second.

“…how would you know?”

“Because,” Logan hesitates, and his voice quiets a little, “I…I talked to him. About an hour ago, when the pictures came out.”

“You talked to him.”

Derek tries not to sound betrayed, tries not to let the hurt come out in his voice. He fails, miserably.

“I’ve…I’ve _been_ talking to him,” Logan says, “I called him not long after…after you told me he had feelings for me.”

“You called him,” Derek says, “and he actually picked up?”

Logan doesn’t respond right away. The silence is telling.

“Wow,” Derek laughs, “Well that’s just…great. Fantastic.”

“It’s not like that, Derek,” Logan tries, but Derek’s pacing now, running a hand through his hair.

“So you two are talking,” he rants, “He’ll take your calls but he won’t even fucking text me back, and now he’s dating some fucking…”

“They aren’t dating,” Logan says again, firmly, “He had some guest spot on Something Damaged, I guess, and he asked Jules out. But they’re not…he said he’s not interested in him.”

“Right, because he’s interested in _you_. How could I forget? You two dating yet or what?”

Derek doesn’t mean to sound so accusatory, really. It just comes out, like word vomit. He’s probably a little too emotional for this conversation right now.

“We’re not,” Logan sighs, heavily, “Look, I really think you two should talk. I don’t want to get involved with this. I’ve managed to screw up enough without even _trying_. Just…try calling him, alright? I can’t promise he’ll pick up. But you guys really need to talk.”

“I’ve been trying!” Derek spits, “I’ve called him like twice a week since he left, and he hasn’t answered once!”

“…I can try talking to him,” Logan says, “Maybe I can convince him.”

“Don’t bother. It doesn’t count if he’s being _forced_ to take my calls.”

“Derek…”

Derek hangs up.

It’s rude, he knows. None of this is Logan’s fault.

That doesn’t mean he’s any less upset.

He had no idea Logan had reached out to Julian. No idea Julian had been taking anyone’s calls, after what happened. It hurts, that Julian had answered Logan — more than once, it sounded like — and had only texted Derek one word over the course of the summer.

He wants to know what they talked about. Wants to know if Logan had actually brought up what he’d told him, had actually confronted Julian with how he felt. Wonders if anything had come of it. He knows Logan finds Julian attractive. He has no idea if he sees him like _that_ , though, no clue if Logan’s interested in anything romantic with Julian.

He throws his phone to the ground in anger, collapses into the nearest chair.

He’s so pissed at Julian, so angry that he won’t give him the courtesy of a _text_ , that he’ll talk to Logan and drag strange boys all over Los Angeles, but can’t be bothered to talk to Derek at all.

Julian is _infuriating_. He’s moody, and flakey, and Derek’s so angry that _this_ is the person his heart had apparently decided to want. That this self-absorbed, conceited piece of shit is who he keeps coming back to. That he can’t stop thinking about Julian, no matter how many boys look his way, no matter how much he tells himself he doesn’t want this.

He groans, tugs at his hair until his scalp aches. He tries to talk himself out of calling, tries to convince himself that he has no business contacting Julian again.

But he still finds himself picking up his phone — grimacing at the newly-cracked screen — and scrolling to Julian’s name, pressing the call button before he can stop himself.

It rings.

And rings.

And rings.

_Hey, this is Julian. You can leave a message but I probably won’t call you back._

Derek growls, ends the call before his voicemail picks up.

Tries again.

_Hey, this is Julian…_

Again.

_Hey, this is…_

And again.

_Hey, this is Julian. You can leave a message but I probably won’t call you back._

“What the hell, Jules?!” Derek yells into the phone, “Are you just like never going to speak to me again? I know you’re mad, but you’re seriously talking to _Logan_ and not me? What the…just…I don’t need you, alright? You’re so goddamn _annoying_ , you know that?”

He buries his face in his hands, just breathes into the phone for a minute.

“I…if you hate me, could you just let me know? I don’t…I _miss you,_ alright?”

He hangs up before he can say anything else stupid. He hates how dumb he sounded already, how pathetic he came across.

Predictably, Julian doesn’t return his call.

Part of him hopes that Julian saw the voicemail, deleted it without even listening. But when he tentatively mentions it to Logan the next time they talk, the blond’s awkward hesitation puts that hope to rest.

“Is he ever going to talk to me again?” Derek asks, a little desperate. Logan takes a long pause.

“He’s still pretty upset,” he admits, “He’s not happy with you for telling me everything. That’s mostly my fault. I probably shouldn’t have mentioned it to him…”

“You deserved to know,” Derek says, a little sadly, “I just…look, you’ll take care of him right? Like he doesn’t want me in his life anymore, I get that. But promise me you’ll make him happy? Keep him from overworking himself too much?”

There’s another long pause.

“…I really think you two need to talk.”

Derek laughs, “You’ve heard what happens when I try. He doesn’t _want_ to talk.”

Logan sighs, “School starts back up next week. When you see him, just…just try to keep it civil, okay? You told me to be supportive. Now it’s your turn.”

“He’s actually coming back?” Derek asks, a little surprised, “I thought for sure he’d stay in California after everything.”

“He’s coming back,” Logan confirms, “Just maybe don’t leave him anymore voicemails where you tell him you don’t need him? That kind of hurt his feelings.”

“ _I_ hurt _his_ …?! You know what, whatever. Fine. No more voicemails. I promise.”

“Thank you.”

Derek hangs up, buries his face in his hands for a second.

He should start planning what he’s going to say, he supposes. Find a happy medium between the apologies and the angry accusations. But that just sounds like too much to deal with, right now, and he tries to put it off for as long as he can.

Before he knows it, though, he’s on a plane back to Ohio, staring blankly out the window at the clouds moving past.

_I’m sorry for sleeping with Logan. It was messed up._

_You’re a dick. I apologized, you don’t get to hang on to this grudge all summer._

_It’s as much Logan’s fault as mine, why aren’t you mad at him?_

_I don’t want you to date Logan. I want you to date_ me _._

He makes an irritated sound, drawing the gaze of a passing flight attendant. He waves her off, digs his headphones out of his bag and hits play on the loudest music he can find, hoping screaming guitars will drown out his thoughts.

It works, sorta, and before too long the plane is touching down in Ohio. Logan’s already in Stuart when he arrives, standing casually by the door, like he’s been waiting for him. He smiles, a little, when Derek walks in.

“He’s upstairs,” he says, and Derek stops beside him.

“…he’s here? Already?”

Logan nods, once, and Derek inhales.

“Are you two…have you, um…”

“Just go talk to him,” Logan says, looking a little irritated, “Text me if you guys wanna get food after.”

He walks away, leaving Derek standing alone, looking warily up the staircase. He moves, slowly, takes twice as long as usual walking down the hall to Julian’s room.

His hand has barely touched the door when it swings open.

He’s almost forgotten how easy it is for Julian to leave him breathless.

He’s just _standing_ there, dressed casually in dark jeans and a white t-shirt, and Derek’s momentarily struck dumb. Julian’s gotten a little tanner, since he’s last seen him. He’s grown a little, too, and his hair is curling around his ears, longer than he usually keeps it. He's beautiful.

“…hi,” Julian says, softly, looking a little nervous, “Um…come in.”

He steps aside, watches Derek pass him.

“I don’t hate you, first off,” he says, shifting from foot to foot, “Logan said you thought…but I don’t.”

“Okay,” Derek leans against the wall, crossing his arms over his chest, “So the summer of ignoring me was what, then?”

Julian takes a breath, and Derek notices that he’s trembling, a little.

“I was upset,” he says slowly, “and it took me a while to figure out exactly why.”

“I slept with the guy you like?” Derek frowns at him, “I mean it was kind of obvious why you were upset.”

“That’s the thing, though,” Julian continues, “I’d seen guys come out of Logan’s room before, and it’s never…it never hurt like that. So I left, and I tried to figure out why it was different. And then Logan called. And told me that you told him I loved him. Which was a dick move, by the way.”

Derek looks away, guilty, “I’m sorry. I just…I thought he deserved to know why you left like that.”

“That’s the thing, though,” Julian says, “I don’t think that I do, anymore.”

Derek’s momentarily taken aback, “You don’t…what, exactly?”

“Feel that way. About Logan,” Julian chews at his lower lip, nervously, “I didn’t realize until he said it but…I don’t think I have in a while.”

“So then…why did you…”

“I didn’t like seeing you sleep with someone else.”

Derek’s pretty sure he’s hallucinating.

“I’m sorry, what?”

Julian takes a deep breath, wraps his arms around himself.

“I know, when we started, that this was just sex. That you didn’t want a relationship. I get that, really. But at some point I started…it was more, for me? I didn’t really hook up with anyone else. When I did, I didn’t enjoy it as much.”

Derek’s mouth is hanging open.

“I left because…because I knew I had to get over it. Because you always said…you were very clear about not wanting anything more. But then I talked to Logan, and he said he thought maybe…he thought you might feel the same, kinda.”

He steadies himself, looks up to meet Derek’s eyes.

“So,” he says, quietly, “Do you...like me?”


	9. Part IX

Derek doesn’t know what to say.

He’s frozen, against Julian’s wall, staring open-mouthed. He’s not entirely convinced this is real, thinks that maybe he’s still asleep on the plane, having the best and cruelest dream of his life.

“…Derek?” Julian says, “Are you um…could you say something, maybe?”

“…I…I don’t…”

Julian’s face crumples, “Oh god. Oh god Logan was totally off, wasn’t he? You don’t…fuck, I’m so _stupid_.”

He turns away, hands coming up to cover his face.

“I can’t believe I… _again_ , are you kidding me? What’s _wrong_ with me?”

“Jules,” Derek says softly, taking a step forward, “Julian, could you look at me?”

Julian turns around, hands still over his eyes, “I’m sorry. Could we pretend I never…I should just go, right?”

He pulls his hands back, frowns for a minute before nodding decisively, “Yeah. Yes. I’m gonna go.”

He sidesteps Derek, grabs his still-packed suitcase from the bed.

“No,” Derek moves toward him, practically yanks the bag from his hands, “You can’t leave.”

Julian’s wide-eyed. He stills in front of Derek, hands shaking. He looks absolutely terrified, obviously waiting for Derek to say _something_.

The only problem is — Derek doesn’t know what to say.

He’d planned for every possible scenario. Worked out something to say if Julian ended their friendship, if he said he was dating Logan. Prepared for Julian to never come back, and for casually resuming their friends-with-benefits situation.

Except he hadn’t even considered _this_. Hadn’t spent a single moment wondering what he’d say if Julian _actually liked him back_. What he’d do if Julian _wanted him_.

But Julian’s still staring at him, still waiting for Derek to do something.

So he grabs him by the waist, pulls him close, and presses their lips together.

Julian’s obviously a little shocked. He makes a noise of surprise against Derek’s mouth, and his arms flail for a moment before tentatively resting on Derek’s hips.

Derek tries to express everything in that kiss, tries to push out months of longing in this, tries to show Julian exactly how much he _wants_ this. He can feel Julian sink into it, knows he’s melting, too. He slides one hand around to the small of Julian’s back, forcing him even closer as he licks at the seam of his lips. Julian whimpers, the sound so soft Derek barely hears it, but he pulls away, a slight smirk on his lips.

“Did that answer your question?” He asks, leaning his forehead against Julian’s.

Julian opens his eyes. He’s still pressed close; Derek can feel each breath against his skin.

“…no,” Julian says, shaking his head just a little, “I mean that was…wow. But I kind of need you to say something.”

He takes a step back, but doesn’t pull away when Derek slips a hand into his.

“Okay…” Derek thinks, “Just…give me a sec, alright? This is _not_ how I expected this to go.”

He pulls Julian to the bed, pushes him until he’s sitting.

“Just…stay there. Please.”

Miraculously, Julian listens. He pulls his feet up, sits cross-legged and watches as Derek paces a line across the room. He looks a little amused, raising an eyebrow as he tracks Derek’s movements.

“…okay,” Derek says after a minute, coming to a stop in front of him, “So…so you’re for real. You actually _like_ me.”

“I think I more than _like_ you, D.”

“But…Logan. That’s not…you don’t feel that way about him anymore?”

Julian purses his lips, brow furrowed as he frames his response.

“It’s like…you know how you always tell people your favorite food is Tom Yum Goong, because you think it makes you sound well-traveled or something, but it always gives you really bad heartburn and you wind up crying in the bathroom every time you eat it?”

Derek winces, “Could we not talk about my post-spicy food bowel movements, right now?”

“It’s important,” Julian presses on, “So you always tell people it’s your favorite food, and sure it’s crazy delicious, but you kind of hate yourself after? And how your _actual_ favorite food is filet mignon with mashed potatoes with so much butter they’re like, yellow? But you don’t _say_ that, for some reason, but you always like smile really big when you eat it and you’re happy after?”

“I don’t really understand…”

“You’re like, my filet mignon.”

Derek’s brain hurts.

“Okay…so in this weird metaphor where you’re _me_ , and I’m my favorite food, Logan’s the food I _pretend_ is my favorite because it sounds more exciting?”

“Exactly,” Julian says, looking pleased with himself. 

“So I’m the boring food.”

“No! I….fuck,” Julian stands, places his hands on Derek’s shoulders, “You’re the food that makes me happy.” 

“…oh.” 

“And maybe…maybe it’s not what I always thought I wanted, you know? But maybe it’s the better choice. Maybe the one food is exciting, but do I really want it if it’s just going to make me hurt, after? Maybe I just want the food that makes me happy.” 

“Can we stop with the food metaphor, maybe?” Derek asks, “So I’m…I make you happy?” 

“Yes,” Julian says, simply, “You do.” 

“So you want…what, exactly?” 

Julian breaks eye contact, rubs nervously at his neck, “I’m not sure what my options are, exactly. So I don’t…I know you don’t do relationships. Maybe we could just, I don’t know, keep up the friends-with-benefits thing, but maybe not talk about other people we’re hooking up?” 

“I don’t want you to hook up with other people,” Derek says, a flash of jealously coursing through him at the thought, “ _I_ don’t want to hook up with other people.”

“…okay. So…what are we, then?”

“…I don’t know,” Derek admits, “I’m not sure but…maybe we can just figure it out? Together?” 

Julian smiles — a _real_ smile this time, dimples and all — and reaches for his hand, tangling their fingers together.

“I think I’d like that,” he says, and Derek grins wildly, pulls him in for another kiss. 

The kiss is just getting heated, Derek’s sliding his hands down to squeeze at Julian’s ass, when the sound of a throat clearing from the doorway interrupts them.

“What the _hell_ , Logan?” Derek growls, not moving his hands, “Your timing is _shit,_ you know that?”

“Just wanted to make sure you didn’t tell him something dumb again, like _I don’t need you_.”

“Well I didn’t, in case you couldn’t tell,” Derek glares at him over Julian’s shoulder, “I think the _kissing_ made that a little obvious, even for you.”

Logan doesn’t move from the doorway. In fact, he laughs a little, looking amused by the whole thing

“I figured you guys might be hungry,” he says, “I was thinking we could go get sushi, or maybe try that new Italian place…”

“I want to go to Firebirds,” Julian says, grinning at Derek, “I’m in the mood for steak, I think.”

Derek _beams_ at him, presses another kiss to his lips.

“…so it that a yes to dinner, or did you guys want me to lock the door on my way out?”

“No, let’s go,” Julian squeezes Derek’s hand, “I haven’t seen you guys in months, you need to tell me how your summer was.”

He follows Logan out of the room, hand still linked with Derek’s. They earn a few interested looks on their way out, a giggle from the hostess at the steakhouse.

Derek doesn’t care, though.

He _wants_ to show Julian off, _wants_ everyone to see that Julian’s with _him_ , is holding _his_ hand, leaning against _his_ shoulder.

Logan lets them sit on one side of the table together, slides into the chair on the other side. He’s smiling, a little, looking at them, and Derek scowls. 

“You’re not allowed to make fun of us about this,” he says adamantly, “Not yet, at least. We _just_ fixed this whole thing.” 

“It’s not that,” Logan shakes his head, “You guys are cute, that’s all.”

Julian straightens up in his seat, points a threatening finger at Logan. 

“I,” he says, voice low, “am not _cute_.”

Logan rolls his eyes, shifts his gaze over to Derek.

“You’re pretty cute,” Derek grins at him, “Adorable, really. Especially when you get all sleepy and just fall on whoever’s closest.”

“I was just named one of the hottest celebrities under 25, Derek! I’m _sexy_ , not cute.”

Derek and Logan look at each other, grinning, and turn back to Julian, saying, in unison:

“Cute.”

Julian groans, scoots his chair away from Derek’s.

“You guys _suck_.”

The other two laugh, and Julian sulks as they all place their orders, softening only when Derek orders a filet mignon, with extra butter on his mashed potatoes.

“So,” Logan says, over appetizers, “I’m not sure if we’re allowed to ask about this but…that guy? From the pictures?”

Julian sighs, tears a slice of bread in half with more force than is necessary, “Was a stupid mistake.”

Logan looks up at Derek, who shrugs, just as confused.

“Jules?” He asks, leaning into him, “Did he…what did he do?”

“I was just…upset, still,” he says, “I thought it would help. Going on with someone who seemed into me.”

He sighs, sets the bread down.

“…he called the paparazzi.”

“He did _what_?” Derek’s voice comes out louder than he expected, drawing curious glances from the surrounding tables.

“I didn’t know they were going to…I thought I could trust him.”

“Oh god, Julian,” Logan says, quietly, “I’m sorry, that…I know you weren’t ready.”

“You know my _mom_ found out because TMZ called her about it?” Julian continues, “She tried to pay them off, to kill the story before it got out. But they didn’t…they said it was too big of a story. So they put it out anyway.”

He quiets, staring down at the table. Derek’s _furious_ , wants to march down to whatever photographer took those pictures and give him a piece of his mind.

“That isn’t _fair_ ,” he says angrily, “They can’t just _out_ people like that.” 

“Well they did.”

“…what did your mom say?” Logan asks, “Was she…she didn’t freak out about it, right?”

Julian actually cracks a smile, “No. No she was pretty cool about it, actually. She said I should be smarter about how I hook up with, obviously, but…we're okay. She got all gross and hugged me and stuff.”

“Good,” Derek takes his hand, grateful that at least _something_ turned out well, “Does she um…does she know about me?”

“No,” Julian admits, looking slightly guilty, “I didn’t want…I wasn’t sure what was going to happen, with us. I didn’t want to bring that up and then have to come back and be like, ‘hey mom, just kidding, turns out I’m just super attracted to people who don’t like me.’”

Logan frowns, “That wasn’t a dig at me, was it? Because I support this, alright?”

He gestures at Julian and Derek.

“More of a dig at my entire romantic history,” Julian shrugs, “It’s probably why I didn’t realize Der-bear here was into me.”

He smiles, leans his head against Derek’s shoulder. Derek drops a kiss to his temple, and Logan gags.

“Oh god, I thought you guys were bad before, you’re going to be _disgusting_ now aren’t you?”

“Yeah,” Derek murmurs, happier than he’s been in a long time, “The _most_ disgusting, just you wait.”

By the time they’re finished with dinner, Logan’s averting his eyes.

“For the love of god,” he groans, when they get back to Stuart, “Please just pick a bedroom and _go_ , would you?”

“Gladly,” Derek says, pulling Julian into his room and kicking the door shut behind him.

Julian fuses himself to Derek’s mouth before the door even clicks shut, slides his hands under Derek’s shirt and up his chest. Derek moans into the kiss, uses all his strength to hoist Julian up and cart him over to the bed.

“Gonna fuck me?” Julian asks, with a tilt of his head, “I’ve almost forgotten what you feel like, you know.”

“Well,” Derek licks his lips, “Guess I just have to remind you, don’t I?”

He surges forward, pressing biting kisses across Julian’s neck. The actor tilts his head back, tangles a hand in Derek’s hair and holds him close. He’s making those soft little whimpers, and Derek sucks at the soft skin under his ear, hopes he’s leaving a mark.

“Are we _actually_ going to have sex, or are you just going to make sure everyone knows I spent the night in your bed?”

“I can multi-task,” Derek says against his skin, one hand sliding down to unbutton Julian’s jeans. He rises to his knees, yanks Julian’s pants to his ankles.

“What, no comment about how tight they are?” Julian jokes, “Thought for sure you’d…oh god.” 

He moans as Derek licks a line up his cock, eyes rolling back in his head. Derek slides his hands up Julian’s thighs, pushes them apart to give himself more room. He wraps his lips around the tip of Julian’s dick, hums a little at the taste of it. 

“Fuck,” Julian whines, “Derek I…not that I don’t _appreciate_ this but I was kind of— _god_ —kind of need you inside me? Now.” 

He throws a hand to the side, blindly feeling for the drawer of Derek’s nightstand. Manages to get his fingers around a bottle of lube, hunts for the condoms next.

“Got one in my pocket,” Derek says, pulling his mouth off of Julian, “Grabbed it before dinner.” 

“Someone was hopeful,” Julian grins down at him, “What if I’d decided to take it slow?”

Derek lifts an eyebrow, glances down at the very aroused cock just centimeters from his lips.

“Well I’d say we’ve already failed there.”

He licks at it again, tongue trailing a line from root to tip, then pulls away and grabs the lube.

“Turn over,” he says, patting Julian’s thigh. Julian does, rolling onto hands and knees. Derek presses a kiss to the base of his spine, lets his teeth graze over Julian’s skin as he uncaps the bottle. He presses one slick finger inside, slowly.

“How long has it been?” He asks, mouth still pressed against Julian’s skin. There’s a small freckle, on one ass cheek, and he kisses it.

“Since last time?” Julian pushes back against Derek’s hand, “Hamptons, remember? Early June?”

“So I guess I better make this good then, huh? That must be the longest you’ve ever gone without good sex.”

“Someone thinks highly of himself,” Julian grumbles, “What makes you think _you’re_ the best I’ve had?”

“You told me, once,” Derek says, slipping another finger inside, “Right after I gave you the best damn orgasm of your life.”

“Doesn’t count,” Julian rolls his hips, “Post-orgasm things are lies, everyone knows that.”

“Mhm,” Derek scissors his fingers, smirks at the sound Julian makes, “So the time I called you beautiful, after, and you brought it up _constantly_?”

“That was a whole _five minutes after_ , it was different.”

Derek laughs, kisses a line up Julian’s spine.

“Ready?” He asks, sliding his fingers out and fumbling with the condom.

“Depends,” Julian turns his head, brushes their lips together, “Will you call me beautiful again?”

“I could probably swing a few compliments.”

Derek wraps an arm around Julian’s waist, holds him in place as he slowly presses inside.

“ _Beautiful_ ,” he whispers, as Julian whimpers beneath him.

“ _Mine,”_ he says, as Julian moves against him, forcing Derek deeper.

“ _Perfect_ ,” he murmurs, pressing his lips against Julian’s shoulder.

“ _I love you_ ,” he cries out, as his orgasm overtakes him, and he falls over the edge, bringing Julian with him.


	10. Epilogue

Logan’s tinkering with a new song for the Warblers, fingers tapping out a new countermelody on the piano, when a knock sounds at his door. He makes a note on the sheet music before rising, crossing the floor and opening the door.

“Hey,” Julian says, casually leaning against the wall, “You busy right now?”

“I’m supposed to have this song ready by rehearsal tomorrow.”

“So…” Julian fixes him with his brightest grin.

Logan rolls his eyes, “I can take a break, I guess.”

“Good. We need to borrow you for a minute.”

He turns, starts walking down the hall without waiting for a response.

“Hey, Jules, wait.”

Julian pauses, turns with a furrowed brow.

“What’s up?” He asks, “If you’re really worried about the song it’s fine, this isn’t like crazy important. I can help with it, if you want.”

“It’s not that. I just…we never talked about…about everything,” Logan says, glancing down the hall to make sure Derek isn’t within earshot, “About…how you felt about me.”

“Logan…” Julian smiles softly, “Don’t worry about it, okay? You didn’t know. Besides, I’m good now. I have Derek.”

He beams, looking so happy it’s almost overwhelming.

“I know,” Logan sighs, “It’s just…I know I hurt you, before. I didn’t mean to, I promise. I didn’t…if I’d known I never would’ve…”

He’s getting frustrated with himself, wishes he’d thought this through a little before he started talking. But Julian just smiles reassuringly, steps closer and takes Logan’s hand.

“It’s okay,” he says, “Yeah, it kind of sucked there for a while. But you didn’t know.”

“I should’ve.”

“It’s all in the past now, Lo,” Julian says, “I’m…I’m _really_ happy now. Derek…he makes me really happy, you know?”

“Yeah,” Logan says softly, “I can tell.”

“So don’t worry about it, alright? I don’t hold anything against you.”

He smiles, leans up to kiss Logan on the cheek.

“You know,” Logan says, grinning a little wickedly, “In another universe, you and I could’ve made a really great couple.”

“Oh, we would’ve ruled this damn school,” Julian smirks, “Might not want to tell that new boyfriend of yours, though. He might get jealous.”

“I think it’s _your_ boyfriend we should be worried about,” Logan says, throwing an arm around Julian’s shoulder and finally heading down the hall with him, “That one time I said your ass looked good in those jeans he punched me in the arm so hard I had a bruise for a _week_.”

Julian laughs, shoves Derek’s door open.

“Got him,” he crows, triumphantly. Derek glances up, gives Logan a nod.

“What did you need me for, exactly?” Logan asks.

Julian grabs his phone from the dresser, hands it to Logan with a smile.

“Could you take a picture of us?” He asks, looking almost _shy_ , “I want to put it on Instagram.”

“Oh?” Logan looks back over at Derek, who’s standing in front of the mirror, frowning at his hair, “You two are actually making it public, then?”

Julian grins, lowers his voice so Derek can’t hear, “He used the _boyfriend_ word this morning.”

“I’ve said it before,” Derek calls from across the room, and Julian flushes, “That time the girl at the mall was flirting with you, remember? Or when the twins printed that picture of you out poster-size and hung it on their wall?”

“Yeah, when you got _jealous_ ,” Julian says, walking over to stand behind Derek and wrap his arms around his waist, “Not just…to me. For no reason.”

Derek leans back, resting his hands on top of Julian’s.

“There was a _reason_ ,” he argues, “I told you, the sun was shining through the window all weird, and you looked especially beautiful, and it made me all mushy and…feelings-y.”

Julian smiles, softly, and Logan quietly raises the phone, snaps a picture without warning. Neither of them seem to notice.

“I like when you get mushy,” Julian says, pressing a kiss to Derek’s cheek, “You always say the nicest things.”

“Calling you my boyfriend is a nice thing?”

“Yes,” Julian squeezes his waist, “I know you don’t like commitment.”

“It’s growing on me,” Derek says, “Anyways, you are, you know. My boyfriend.”

They’re smiling at each other, gazing so softly into the other’s eyes that Logan feels like he’s intruding. He clears his throat, and they pull apart. Julian straightens his clothes, and Derek resumes fixing his hair.

“Okay, so I thought…maybe by the window?” Julian suggests, walking over, “Like we could sit here—Derek you look _fine_ , come on.”

“Your fans will rip me to shreds regardless,” Derek says, fixing his collar, “Let me at least try to _minimize_ the amount of things they’ll scrutinize.”

“They’ll _love_ you,” Julian tells him, “They’ve been waiting for something like this since I came out. Now come _here_. Logan, maybe if you stand there…”

“Um, actually…” Logan holds up the phone, “I kind of got one, already? If you want to look.”

Julian frowns, walks over to take the phone from Logan’s hand. He looks down at the screen, and his eyes soften.

“…oh,” he breathes, staring down at the photo, “Derek…come here.”

“I never look good in candids,” Derek complains, “You’re at least gonna put a filter on it, right?”

“Just _look_ ,” Julian practically shoves the phone into his hands.

The picture is perfect.

Julian’s standing behind him, his chest pressed to Derek’s back. His arms are wrapped firmly around Derek’s waist, chin hooked over his shoulder. Derek’s face is angled towards him, just slightly, a small smile on his lips. They’re staring into each other’s eyes, and the light from the window casts a faint, golden glow over them both.

“Wow,” Derek breathes, “I…ever considered photography, Lo?”

“It was the models,” he says, smiling at them, “You guys kind of always look like that together. It’s a little gross.”

“…so can I post it?” Julian asks, hopefully. Derek looks at it once more and nods.

“Yeah,” he says, “I really like it. Go ahead and tag me, too, they’ll figure it out regardless.”

Julian beams, kisses him on the cheek and pulls away to tap at his phone. Derek sidles up to Logan, knocks against his shoulder.

“Thanks,” he says, “Not just for the picture. For being…uncharacteristically helpful about all this.”

“You guys deserve to be happy,” he says, “I think this is really good for both of you.”

“Yeah,” Derek glances over at Julian, smiling fondly, “He’s…wow. He’s really something, isn’t he?”

Logan looks up, watches Julian for a moment.

“…I’m really glad he has you,” he says quietly, “I’ve never seen him like this.”

“Okay!” Julian turns away from his phone, interrupting, “It’s up. I tried a couple of the filters, but I think it looks better without it. Captioned, ‘chill Sunday in with my boyfriend’. Simple, you know?”

His phone chimes, “…and it has seventy-eight likes already. And I have six—no wait, seven…eight new text messages.”

“Well they can wait a few hours, right?” Derek asks, “Weren’t we going to not think about school or work today, just cuddle and watch a movie?”

“And that’s my cue,” Logan says, pulling away, “Guess I’ll see you guys for dinner?”

“No,” Julian shuts his phone off, smiles over at them, “It’s not a euphemism or anything. We’re literally just watching a movie. You can stay.”

“Yeah,” Derek adds, “Maybe if you’re _really_ nice, you can even get in on the cuddling.”

They both reach for him, laugh as they pull him onto the bed. Logan makes himself comfortable, smiles at the two as Julian boots up his laptop and Derek adjusts the pillows.

“Hey,” he says, “Not to be cheesy or anything, but I’m really happy you two are my friends.”

“Good,” Julian replies without looking up, “Because you fuckers are stuck with me forever, I hope you know.”

Derek laughs, grins at them both and throws his arm over Julian’s waist, fingertips just brushing against Logan’s arm.

“I’m okay with that,” he says, “Forever sounds pretty damn good to me.”


End file.
